Just call me Miss Spontaneity!

First of all, I’d like to start off by saying…

THANK YOU TENNESSEE for unfreezing my car’s windshield wiper fluid! In addition to seeing the beauty in the grayness (see previous blog post), I am not looking out through a clear surface!

Yes, that’s right. I’m in Nashville Tennessee. I decided to be spontaneous and drive down here this morning. I just needed to get out of Chicago for a while…to clear my head (and my car’s windshield apparently…I’m sitting here looking out at my car a little embarrasses about the thick film of salt and soot covering it…I don’t think they even need to salt the roads here in Nashville…my car looks a little out of place…note to self…better find a car wash, STAT!). I diverge…

So I’m in TN…ironically enough, after spending all week thinking about whether or not to apply for my Doctoral degree…the deadline for my program at Vanderbilt passed Thursday…I didn’t submit my portfolio, yet God has brought me here today, had me pass through here 3 weeks ago, and will bring me back here in just 2 short weeks for the Haiti ball. I’m OK with giving up my Vanderbilt dream…at least for the next year, but I was a little hesitant at first to just jump in my car and come down here seeing as how I would be back for an identical trip at the end of the month AND my cell phone isn’t fully functioning…YIKES (sorry for cutting you off mom, Donna, and Mr. Nyffeler)! But something was pushing me to just do it, and as I began my journey from -17 degrees weather in Chicago to 40 degree weather here, my spirit eased. Just call me Miss Spontaneity! The 7 hour drive was exactly what I needed. Brandon Heath, Third Day, and I had several “moments” in the car together… the head-clearing process is well underway and I’m starting to feel like myself again…

I am currently sitting in a little smoothie place called “9 fruits” –after the fruits of the spirit (Galations6:22-23)—Get it?—waiting for Christine to finish work, and anticipating catching up with Donna, a friend who I went to Haiti with, over dinner in just a few hours. As I am typing, I am listening to some guys chit chat over how cold it is here…HA! If they only knew where I had just come from…

Aside from San Diego, Nashville is quickly becoming my soul-haven. Here, nature’s beauty meets music—the two things that breath life into my soul the most. I’ve come to get some things out of my head…to put some others to rest… and to strengthen my “Fruits of the Spirit” so to speak, which is another reason why it is so ironic that I ended up here.

Here’s how I’m doing so far upon arriving…
Love – Got it! Overflowing with it! Love is GREAAAAAAAT!
Joy – Yes, in most things anyway…like my windshield wiper fluid…yes, I am easily amused! (Wouldn’t be ironic if I didn’t have this one…haha!)...
Peace – Definitely NOT…I’m here to settle my restless heart on several things…
Patience – Definitely learning this one…refer to the “Beauty in the Gray” post…
Kindness – Check…but sometimes gets me in trouble…
Goodness – I’m pretty sure…
Faithfulness – Trying as hard as I can…
Gentleness – Yes!
Self Control – This one is up for debate…

So I’m here…like I said…hoping to get the weight of a few things off my shoulders…looking forward to a few days away from Chicago with good friends (from Haiti), eating fried pickles, and defrosting in Tennessee's warmth!

Here’s a quick update on stuff…

Like I mentioned before…Vanderbilt is a negative…at least for next year…still haven’t reconciled spending all that money on a degree that will do not other good than give me personal satisfactions…as of now, I’d rather use the money for something more beneficial…

Cindy started her new round of treatments yesterday. For those of you who don’t know…the report that she was in remission a few months ago was a false reading. Talk about a cruel joke...Her tumor markers are still up and after some further investigation, the tumors on her liver are growing again…the others have remained the same thank goodness. Anyway, she is getting monthly shots of something or other. This treatment has had really successful results in the UK (I think that’s what they told me), and it isn’t supposed to have the side effects of Chemo…we will wait and see I guess.

My grandmother is doing much, much better. Her rehab and recovery of her memory and mind are going well. Actually, she is all but back to her old, fiery self…ticked off as all get-out that she will not be able to go back to her home by herself and letting everyone know it! It is slowly becoming more and more apparent to me where I get my stubbornness from…I’m not so sure I’m proud of it anymore…

Brother Bill is still not speaking to most of the family, but I am continuing to make it a priority to go spend time with my niece and nephew who seem to be taking it the hardest…

And finally on a lighter note….after spending 7 hours in the car today, it occurred to me…Why on earth does Cracker Barrel put up billboards advertising their green beans or their corn? Seriously! Do you know the billboards I’m talking about…the ones with the big plates of a food with the Cracker Barrel sign? Soooooo not appetizing! I mean, everyone knows that millions of kids try to avoid vegetables at the dinner table every evening??? So what moron in their marketing department decided that they should put up gigantic sized green beans on signs along the highway instead of CB’s yummy cinnamon apples or cherry pancakes? Seriously! I wonder how that’s working for them???

Forget Black and White...Finding the Beauty in the Gray!

I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately with patience. For some reason, I seem to have adopted the attitude of “Everything should be black and white” as of late, and I’ve been missing the beauty in the shades of gray. As my friend Brian put it… “God wants the gray so he can fill in the color!” My need for black and white has affected me so much so lately that I am continually frustrated and insecure when it comes to certain aspects of my life…The only area where I continue to have the patience of a saint and confidence in the challenge of uncertainty is at school with my kids…why I have the 2 different mind sets is beyond me…Its like I am 2 different people sometimes. I can only attribute it to spiritual warfare as I am confident in my abilities and passionate about working with youth and it would take a lot to shake me from something that I am so certain of as my life’s direction; but I guess the uncertainties, constant changes and lack of control in other aspects of my life play on my weaknesses and play on this need for the “black and white.” I have been reminded several times in the past weeks that I need to be OK with the fact that life is going to be messy sometimes, but ultimately in the end it will work out for good...and it is only in the messiness and uncertainty that we can truly appreciate the outcomes. I’m not completely sure why I’ve been neglecting this attitude because it has not always been this way for me, but I do know that God is making me work on my ability to be patient and be comfortable in the gray. It took a beautiful sunset, some unsettling and nostalgic situations, and a few unsolicited contacts of encouragement to open my eyes to this. You see, God keeps sending me little “God gifts” of confirmation in all this grayness…but I guess I’ve been too frustrated and self-centered to see the beauty in all of it, so my new goal is to open my eyes; and in doing so be confident that God is working out all of the situations that I am sooo worried about because they are not black and white. And as PT said..."Do and Do Not. There is no Try." I have to do more than just simply try...I have to force myself to do...and I hope to record those moments here to keep myself accountable. I hope some of my moments will offer you a little encouragement too… so here it goes…

I began day 1 of the New Year with much uncertainty about the future (my family issues, illnesses, grad school, relationships, etc). My New Years Eve was characterized by a restless and sleepless night with a million different thoughts going through my head about the year I as leaving behind…wondering if I had lived it right, and the uncertainty of the year to come. My Mom’s wisdom calmed me for a good part of the day, but peace didn’t come until that night. The day ended with a comforting quite time of prayer and thought of what my mother’s words of encouragement on a Gulf Coast beach as God gave me one of the most beautiful sunsets in recent memory. Talk about filling in the color! I was sitting on the beach, watching the magnificent picture being painted before me, listening to the waves role onto the shore, and losing myself the beauty of it all and I simply heard “I am King. I will lead.” God renews my spirit and speaks to me through nature…He always has…and finally in that moment, I found a peace that had been lacking for quite some time…simply because I decided to stop worrying, be still, and just listen.

The next day I had a frustrating experience at the airport as my flight was cancelled due to mechanical errors and the airline was only able to get me out of an airport 1.5 hours away the next morning; but due to my flight cancellation, I got an extra evening in Florida complete with a beautiful sunset in between rain clouds and a rainbow Again…the filling in the color. Did you know that rainbows appear in the Bible, only a handful of times, but as a symbol of God’s majesty, comfort and hope? There is one in the first chapter of Ezekiel and two in Revelation when God reveals himself ( a rainbow around him), hence the rainbow is a glimpse of his glory; but the image I am most drawn to is the appearance of a rainbow in Genesis 9. God has just destroyed the Earth with a flood, and I can only image what Noah and his family had going through their heads as they have spent the past few months watching the entire human and animal races destroyed so violently and then waiting for the waters to recede…perhaps they had afear of God’s wrath and judgment, uncertainty of God’s promise that He would save Noah and never destroy the Earth via flood again??? But God knew their fear, took compassion on them, and said “I have set my bow in the could, at it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the Earth ~Genesis 9:13. It is as if He is to say, “I know things are messy right now, but look up. I am here and My love for you is Great. Be reassured.” As the scene unfolded, my mind drifted to the first time I studied the significance of rainbows in the Bible. I saw one as my parents were driving me to the airport in June of 2002 on my way to my first summer of living in San Diego and Tijuana. I was scared to death…going away for 3 months, not knowing a soul, fearful of what might come of that summer, uncertain of how and if my life would change; but to this day, I consider it one of my most life changing experiences that has molded me into the woman I am today… God comforted me with his symbol of hope and assurance then and worked it out that summer beyond my wildest expectations…and He was letting me know that He is going to work it out now.

The peace continued after I arrive home and God began to work out why I have been in this frame of mind lately. The Sunday before school started back was filled with chaos. I had learned early in the morning that the night before, my grandmother had packed herself a bag, climbed out her bedroom window and just began walking in the middle of the night. A couple found her several hours later several blocks away from her home lying in a field. Her body temp was 87 degrees. She had had a stroke a few days before which had affected the memory and speech part of her brain causing this confusion. I was completely worked up…worried about my grandmother…my parents had begun driving home…trying to figure out what was going on. The peace came as I spent a quite and comforting afternoon with a friend, mostly just sitting in stillness and silence, after a chaotic and confusing morning. Patience…not worrying about what I know God would work out. My grandmother is doing much better now…still bruised and quite a big confused about things, but her fiery personality is back and she is on the road to recovery. Thank you to those of you who had expressed your prayers and concern through the whole process.

Finally, Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, God finally set me on a course to help me dig out the root of my impatience. I was awakened at 2am to a conversation that completely changed the game in a certain aspect of my life that I had previously thought the direction was pretty certain. Of course I could not get back to sleep, so I spent the remainder of the wee hours of the morning in prayer and journaling through some issues that had been weighing on my heart. God really gave me a sense of clarity and revealed to me a wound in my heart that had been reopened over the summer and had not dealt with yet…and in doing so, I think I was subconsciously believing certain things about myself that are absolutely NOT TRUE (thanks Satan for that one) that were affecting me in several aspects of my life…it certainly is something that is causing me to feel the need for the “black and white” and causing worry and frustration when I don’t see it. Anyway, it was a rough but ultimately good morning sorting through a lot of garbage trying to get to the root of these feelings and trying to figure out how to regain my confidence and peace in the grayness. That is when I began really grasping hold this whole idea of finding beauty in the grayness. This idea was only confirmed by a completely unsolicited conversation with Brian Hunt Friday afternoon when he pretty much encouraged me with the exact words that had been running through my head in the days preceding (ps, friend…this is the 2nd time you’ve encourage me in recent weeks…remember Blackberries on Christmas Eve??? Remind me to share that story with you another time) Obviously the wound isn’t healed yet, but I’m well on my way to allowing God to fill that God-sized hole in my heart that I’ve been walking around with for the past several months with beautiful color.

The beauty in the grayness and patience lessons continued once back at school. Most days as a teacher, you never really see the yield from the impact (if any) we have on a child…I know this, and it is something that I don’t really worry about, but on Friday, a situation that started out as one of the scariest and worrying of my life came full circle…and of course it was God filling in the beauty of the gray! The Language Arts teacher gave the kids an assignment where they have to interview and write a paper on someone that they consider a hero or role model. I had about 25 kids ask me if they could interview me…which was confirming in itself, but 1 student in particular really made my day. You see, at the end of the school year last year, another teacher and I broke up a fight off of school property. The aggressor (for the sake of anonymity, we will call her K) severely beat up 2 victims (we’ll call them O and R). The fight was so violent that R was in the hospital for several days with major head injuries, and K was charged with assault and battery. It was an experience that shook me to the core…both the fight, and the fact that I had to give statements to the police about K and her mother (who was jailed on another charge for the evening), and eventually in September, I was subpoenaed by the State’s Attorney to testify against her in court. To make matters more weird, K, O and R were all going to be students of mine this year. O and R are in my lunch bunch (which means I’m like their school councilor…meeting with them once a week for lunch to support them in whatever ways they need it…obviously I got these 2 girls because of my role in this situation), and I was very leery about having K in my class knowing that this troubled kid might hold a grudge against me…so much so that I approached my principal about it, but there literally was no other Reading teacher that she could have. To my surprise, K has turned out to be one of my favorite students this year. She eats lunch with me every other week or so and when she has probation court hearings, she shares them with me…her fear and the results, and a lot about her life in general too. She has a rough home life with a non-involved single mom. I am so proud of her for staying out of trouble this year. But the WOW moment came when, for this hero assignment, she chose me as her hero. K’s teacher questioned her about the decision asking if she held any animosity towards me for the whole fight/testifying situation, and K simply relayed that I was her “favorite teacher,” she “really trusts me”, she thinks I’m “super smart about stuff,” and wants to be “as cool as me when she gets older.” I just about cried when I heard that. Again, God filled in the color to a situation that I was originally freaked with the lack of black and whiteness of it all!

God provided another example of being patient through the grayness this week as God walked me on a journey down memory lane. It started with a long overdue phone conversation that I had with an old friend Julie Sadhu earlier this week…one of my closest friends from high school…and really the first person to introduce me to the personal nature of God. Over the past 10 year, I had searched for ways to contact her, but to no avail. Med school had been keeping her pretty busy…but out of the blue, Julz found me on facebook, the reconnection ensued, and for 2 hours this night we chatted away about God, life and everything that has happened in the past 10 years as if no time had passed at all. Julz is someone who had a significant impact on my life all those years ago, and I was sooooooo excited to reconnect with her and share with her the yield of the seeds she planted oh so many years ago! It’s funny, because this weekend I was back exploring my old stomping grounds for a few hours… My niece is following in her aunt’s footsteps. Kathleen is on the freshman dance team at Lincoln-Way West and so I went to watch her perform at Central. She was so adorable! It was weird being back at LWC. The game was in the North gym and when it was all over, I went over and just walked the lines on the badminton court where Donna Thompson and Coach DeYoung spent hours preparing Katie and I for state, pushing though that damn knee injury that I should have gotten surgery for. Yes, my State picture is still on the wall for badminton, and several others have followed. As I walked the halls of Central, a lot of memories flowed of good friends, good times. Julie had told me that she considered me her closest friend back then which gave me a peace because as I walked those halls I also thought of how seriously shallow and flawed I was as a person back then, and of all of the silly hopes and dreams I held as an 18 year old. I couldn’t help but be thankful that I am NOT the same girl I was back then; but it was just a gentle reminder that to God…our whole lives are gray. God was working in me then, He is working in me now, and I can’t help but wonder how much God will continue to mold and change me in the next 10 years…So why on earth do I strive for the black and white???

The final confirmation and some sort of direction came yesterday…Cathy and I got back into the old routine of church and a Starbucks conversation. Boy have I missed that routine…Anyway, several points of PT’s wisdom really struck me, but the big one was this…I have been seeking out God’s will desperately in a few aspects of my life lately (What is my future role in Haiti? Do I spend $$ pursuing my Doctorate at Vanderbuilt...which the admin office so reminded me how much they've enjoyed corresponding with me via a voicemail and reminded me that my app is due soon...for a degree that I won't really use and only want for the personal satisfaction of knowing I did it when I could use that money to do good somewhere else? Do I need to stick around now that we found out that Cindy's remission was a false reading knowing my brother and the kids may need me close in the near future again...Now that my Grandma can't life alone anymore? What of my relationships? etc.), but how can I know God’s will, if I don’t know God’s character completely??? Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot about God’s character, but there is waaaay more that I don’t know…for example, I realized that I have barely read the old testament…and there is soooo much richness about God’s character in there that I have neglected (HELLO GRAYNESS)…so anyway, I’ve decided to read through the Old Testament no matter how confusing and boring it may get at times…because I will never really and truly know God’s will for me until I fully and truly understand God’s character…yes, a practical way that I can help myself see the beauty in the grayness.

All of the above plus some other random instances…(“Top Chef, not Top Muscles” Night thanks to the Wurz clan, the insight of Swanny’s comedic literary genius of a play, my phone call with Christine B who told me I was freakishly calm in a situation that other would be absolutely hysterical over) sent me riding a wave of laughter and confirmation this past week that I hope to ride straight through next week and beyond... Until then, I will continue to work on my ability to be patient, and not miss the miracle of the moment when it comes to seeing the beauty in the gray…

Haiti Days 8 and 9: The Even Loooooonger Road Home...

So...this post is a long time coming...I wrote it back in October, but am now just getting around to posting it. Enjoy...

Thursday morning, we woke up early to begin our long journey home to the States. We weren’t sure that we would be able to get out of the country. Thursday was the first day the airport would be open and we could only image how many people would be trying to get out of Haiti. Additionally, we had been hearing reports of the roads between Jacmel and Port-au-Prince being washed away. Several trucks had left for the capital city and returned over the past few days due to road blockages; but that morning, a semi had left about 5am and not returned which was a good sign.

Contrary to previous reports, the bus to take us to PaP was able to navigate the damage and pick us up right at our hotel. As we loaded our things, it was really sad saying goodbye to Pastor Fedony, Rodrigue and the rest of our hosts from the week. We cried, hugged, took pictures and exchanged promises of keeping in touch and returning next year. Pastor gave Christine and I a bag of gnips for a snack during our journey home. A few of our new friends were to accompany us to the airport, and some, like Windelle, we were to drop off at their homes near PaP. The bus was not nearly as cramped as on our arrival as we had about 1/2 as fewer bags and luggage as before. Everyone had a seat!

The ride home was eerie. I couldn’t believe that I was leaving this country so soon. I wanted to stay. The countryside was still beautiful despite the damage. We passed little villages on our way back to PaP and people just continued on with their lives as nothing had happened despite the clear mudslides and damaged buildings. As we drove, it was evident that there had been many many mud and rock slides over the main road, but the local people must have cleared them away. As we continued along, we chatted, sang songs, took pictures and videos...and then, almost exactly halfway through the 5 hour journey, we came to the mother of all mud slides…

There was a huge line of cars waiting to get across. The earth had completely covered the road. The blockage was almost 3 stories high with huge boulders and trees mixed in, and the slide continued down a ravine that was at least a thousand feet below. A long line of people were getting around it by walking single file down the mountain and then back up...which was scary because one of those boulders could have come lose at any minute to tumble down and crush them (to get a better picture in your head, check out my pictures on facebook)

As our bus stopped in the long line, many of us got out and walked up to assess the situation. There were local people with machetes and other tools hacking away at the mud and debris. People said they had been at it since 5 am this morning. We all began to wonder what happened to the truck that had left Jacmel earlier and never returned… Some UN vehicles were parked to the side and the UN guards were just watching. The government wasn’t to arrive for a few more days to help clear the blockage. We didn’t have a few more days; but our fears soon turned from how long it would take to clear the road to wondering if there was even a road anymore under all that mud. We mingled for a while with some of the locals. It was beginning to sprinkle so many of us went back to the bus to take naps and hang out. After about 2 hours, the government finally arrived with 2 big machines to help clear the way. It took about 2 and ½ hours before the road was passable. Thankfully, the mud had not washed it away. When we finally were able to pass, the government wanted to charge us? UH, as if! We did collect cash on the bus and gave it to some of the locals who had worked so hard before the government arrived, and even in conjunction with them to clear the mess. We continued the rest of the way to PaP weaving in and out of the mountains. When we reached the city, it was as if nothing had changed. Trash was still all over the streets; people were everywhere walking around and selling fruit at makeshift markets. When we reached a point where it was time to drop Windelle and her mother off, I cried as she gave me a big hug and made me promise to come back next year. I gave her the bag of gnips and she jumped off the bus. As the bus pulled away, I watched her disappear into the crowd and the distance, and I prayed that she would remain safe and healthy until the next time we would meet.

Getting to the airport was CRAZY. Even the line of cars to get in took forever! When we go to the airport, we unloaded our luggage and Pastor LeFluer pushed us all in a line to get it. It seems as if a lot of military and UN police were all standing outside of the airport (at least 150 or so) but they were doing absolutely nothing! Not even directing people in the right direction. Once inside and through security, there were masses of people pushing their way to the ticket counters to try and get tickets. There was absolutely no order to anything. People were pushing and cutting. Many many people were angry and yelling at others. We pretty much had to lock arms and send our big boys to the front to push our group’s way to the ticket counters. I was able to maneuver my way to the front of a ticket line first because I am so small. Pastor and I were the first to check in and make our way to the waiting area. Our plane was on the tarmac, but it was delayed for who knows what reason.

During our delay, some of us went duty free shopping. I bought a case of Haitian rum, Haitian vanilla and some knickknack souvenirs for friends and supporters. Our plane was about 2 hours late. When we were finally called, we had to walk almost a mile on the tarmac to get to our plane. As we were waiting in line to get on Presidential style, I got my last 2 mosquito bites. I DEFINITELY will not miss the Haitian mosquitoes.

Our plane took off. It was black and hard to make out any land masses over the ocean. Philip was sad that he did not see his wife (err the Mennonite woman) on the way home. We landed in Miami with about 15 minutes to spare before our flight back to Nashville was to take off. Since Tom had no checked luggage, we sent him to run ahead and try and hold our plane. Apparently Tom had made it, but they would not hold the plane for the rest of us. Jerks! But that was the first of many disappointments American Airlines would cause us back in the States that night.

In our rush to get our checked baggage, get through customs, and get to our next plane, we all got separated. Some were stuck waiting at baggage for almost an hour because AA originally announced that a cargo hold on our plan was stuck. It turned out later, that Ben’s bags got left behind in Haiti! On the other side of customs, a security agent told me to go the completely wrong way which led me out of security. I got soooooo lost from the rest of the group. I tried to go back through security but the gate people to me that the airport was closed. I went to the AA ticket counter and they told me that to rebook a flight I needed to wait in this little gated area in the middle of the walkway. I felt like an animal in a holding pin. They put several other angry Haitians in this space with me. When I tried to leave to find my friends, the AA lady yelled at me and told me I couldn’t go. It was demoralizing the way she was treating us. Philip finally called me and asked where I was. He told me to come to the ticket counter inside security. I told him my story of how I was in a holding pin and the lady wouldn’t let me out, so he and Tom came to find me. When I saw them, I immediately began to cry. I couldn’t control it! Culture shock, exhaustion, being treated like dirt…I don’t know what it was but the tears just kept coming. The lady holding me yelled at Philip and Tom too, but they broke me out of jail and we went back to where the others were waiting.

At the second ticket counter, there were about 30 people waiting in line to rebook tickets, get hotels for the night or to make a claim for the many many bags that were left behind in Haiti. It was almost midnight at this point. I made it to the counter and asked to be rebooked to Chicago, but the AA people told me if would cost over $500. Our contract said I could rebook for free but they would not honor it! Did I mention I hate AA!!!??? CRAZY! If I rebooked to Nashville, I would have to find another flight back to Chicago. I was still hoping that I would make it back in the morning to teach my first class. Not so! I got out of line and got on my computer to try and find cheaper flights to no avail. Apparently Gustav reeked havoc on all air traffic flying in and out of gulf states. I resigned myself to going to Nashville with the others the next day, and trying to get back to Chicago somehow after that. Philip was able to rebook all of our flights, but Ben and Pastor were trying to fly elsewhere also, so we hung around until they tried to get their tickets. Several Haitians were very angry and yelling at the ticket agents. Then, all at once, the ticketing people all kind of looked at each other, and then just all walked away leaving many people with no tickets, no hotels, no bags...including us. Unbelievable! Bucky got it all on film. Later he told me “I think you just got your free ticket to Chicago, Joy!”

When no one came back to help those who still needed to rebook their flights or give us hotel vouchers, we headed to the curbside pick ups and got on the first hotel shuttle we saw. I had tried to get my sister to get us rooms at a Starwood hotel, but they were either booked, or way far away. We ended up staying at a Red Roof Inn. Once checked in, I took a shower, called my mom and Josh, and finally calmed myself down. We ordered pizza and hung out in a room for a majority of the evening. I called and cancelled my original flight from Nashville to Chicago and called Sandy and Christine to take care of thing at school for me. I was really looking forward to meeting my kids Friday…and not at all excited of having to take another unpaid day off of school. Oh well.

Later in the evening, Ben knocked on my door. When I answered, he simply said, I have a lady on the phone who put me on a flight to Chicago tomorrow for free, do you want to get on too? OH MY GOODNESS!!! I was elated. When I got on the phone, she apologized profusely to me for the way in which we were treated by the AA people. I don’t know what Ben said to her, but as quickly as she said she was sorry, I was on the 8am flight home with Ben. (Apparently, Ben has quite a fun time on the phone with the AA people before knocking on my door…for a full account of his wheelings and dealings that evening, check out Ben Holton’s Haiti note about me on facebook).

Ben and I got up early and caught the shuttle to the airport. I was so tired and so weary that I know I wasn’t very much fun to talk to or be around by that point. We made it to our flight on time, and like that, we were in Chicago. Unfortunately we didn’t get to sit near each other, and he had to book it off the plane to catch his connection to St. Louis, but I was able to thank him later for helping me get home.

It was so weird to be back in Chicago after all of that. I caught a cab home, and while in the cab, the driver had the Republican Convention on and John McCain was giving his speech nominating Sarah Palin as his VP. I just remember being confused and thinking “who’s that???” I went to school immediately after I got home. I think I was in culture shock and I just didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to pick up the stuff from the sub and get things ready for next week. I also knew lots of people would want to hear about my experience, so I got all of that out of the way. I also wanted the nurse to check out my knees and hands. Tammy told me that I needed to go to the doctor because they looked infected. I got to meet my last period class for a few minutes. Everyone told me I looked like exhausted! Philip told me to ask my kids what they thought of me when they first saw me! Haha. I don’t think I want to know.

All in all, it has taken me a long time to readjust to life in IL after experiencing all that I did in Haiti. It took me a long time to go to a Starbucks or a mall without thinking about how vain I was, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of the kids and teens that I became close to in Haiti and pray for their safety and health. There have been 3 more hurricanes to hit Haiti in the weeks following my return home completely devastating the country. Many people have no food. New crops won’t be ready for months. The need there now is greater than ever. I have to confess that sometimes I feel guilty when I’m out to dinner or confronted with a large meal. I’ve certainly realized how lucky I am here in the states, and take a look at just how much I take certain things for granted and reevaluate some of my habits. I’ve been racking my brain ever since I got home as to how I can continue to help from Chicago…

Going back to school was a gift. I am thankful for my kids this year. They are such a nice group of students and they were so excited for me when I finally returned. Apparently my volleyball team was down at my room everyday worried sick for me too…Sandy was really good about giving them updates and explaining what as going on. And the trip has been an easy tool to share my faith with my kids. My experiences have provided me opportunities for teachable moments on social and character issues too…

It was definitely a life changing experience...one I hope I will continue to have in the years to come…My life plan in Haiti is not over yet, and I can’t wait to see what is in store for me next...