What happens in the Bahamas...

So I have failed to blog about the rest of my 5 days in the Bahamas...and for good reason. Let's just file most of it under "What happens in the Bahamas, stays in the Bahamas..." Seems to be a running theme with my family and these islands. Need I refresh your memories on when the 5 O'Keefe kids, the 3 Padgett kids, and our significant others took a cruise to Nassau 2 1/2 years ago for my brother's 40th birthday. We like to file that experience under "What happened on the Fascination, stays on the Fascination..." (innocent smile)

But here is what I can tell you...

Thursday, Tina literally worked ALL DAY! and I literally sat on the beach ALL DAY! I think I finally started to wind down that day. The need to "constantly be doing something" finally started to subside...maybe because I was so thoroughly entertained by my sister's crazy bride and her crazy tattooed entourage (and their cute little puppy) with all of the drunk antics at the beach...swimming, volleyball...yes, quite an entertaining bunch. They asked me to play at one point, but I wasn't drinking and they were totally jungle-ballers...I knew I would just get annoyed. I'm kind of high-maintenance when it comes to athletic competition. : ) The wedding party definitely provided me with hours of entertainment over the next couple of days. I even found out from hotel staff-turned friends later on that the bride wet her bed one night. Yikes!

Friday was much of the same...laying out on the beach, reading, and watching the wedding party...I got through a good portion of C.S. Lewis's "The Problem of Pain" and finished "A Grief Observed." His works have really been speaking to me. He dissects matter of faith so succinctly, so intentionally, and yet so honestly in his reservations that it is almost impossible to question his logic because he describes it so thoroughly. I guess that is the product and matter of execution for an atheist-turned-Christian. You've got to dig into and sort out all aspects of a topic before you can really put your heart and soul into it. Anyway, I'm not ready to comment on what I've been processing through yet, but let me just say that what I thought was my so-called "grief and pain" is really not mine at all. It is really someone else's' inner issues whose faith is built on a house of cards, and trying to make me believe that mine is too...but my so-called house of cards while initially shaken, will not be moved. Perhaps it is more sold that I've been led to believe. God kind of rocks like that.

But back to my vacation...Friday night was definitely an interesting experience. Tina dragged me to this show where twin brothers impersonated famous singers like Barbara Streisand, Elton John, Cher and some others. The show was one of several events planned for a group of journalists who were visiting the hotel. I was invited to several of these functions as my sister was entertaining a journalist from "Modern Bride" this trip. The show was interesting to say the least. Barbara was great. Elton was OK. Cher was scandalously dressed and let's just say that I have no idea how he/she managed to hide her junk in that outfit. I felt a little dirty even trying to look and see how it was done. Kasper (event planner at the resort) and Justin (an executive chef at the resort) who showed up in true Bahamian fashion-LATE to the show spent a lot of her performance trying to explain it to me, but I am still just really confused as to how that was even possible and let's just leave it at that.

After the performance, Tina, Kasper, Justin and I went to a club called 22 Above (I think). Boy was I thankful for Kasper and Justin. FINALLY people who were young, fun, and not on their honeymoon! I was soooooo thankful they took me out that night. Kasper is from Amsterdam and has worked for Starwood for a few years now in Miami and in the Bahamas. He wants to go to New York when his visa is up, but I think he should come to Chicago : ) Justin is from Miami and his wife still lives there. He also did his culinary training in Paris and lived in other parts of Europe for a while! Yeah for new friends who can help me get around while I'm over there in July!!! We had a very good time at the club! There was an excellent Bahamian band playing and we pretty much just hung out, drank and talked most of the night. Tina and Justin decided to be lame and retire early! Kas and I....well, let's just say he's a fun and fantastic guy ; )

The next morning I was invited to go snorkeling with the journalists. Kasper, Jennifer (total sweetheart and in charge of the journalists) and Kirk (who they call the "Director of Fun") were on the excursion too. Unfortunately, I had to be there at 8am and was more than just slightly hung over; so as you can imagine, boating and swimming...uh yah! Actually, it was a lot of fun. I snorkeled at the first reef we stopped at. It was incredibly beautiful. The different design patterns of the reef and the beautiful colors of the fish were AMAZING! At one point, Kasper threw fish food at me and literally hundreds of fish came splashing all around me fighting for it. It felt really weird! Then Kasper got bit by one! HAHA! Serves him right for throwing fish food at me! For the last 2 bot stops, I decided to stay on the boat for and just take pictures. The 2nd stop was another reef which was just as beautiful. It was also on the most Western side of the island where all of the "rich" people live. There was one house that was incredible. It is owned by the 9 West designer. Yes, I took one look at that house and thought to myself "I definitely helped him pay for that!" haha! The last stop of the excursion was where we got to swim with sharks! The captain drove the boat all they way out to the shelf where the ocean drops off from 40 feet to 60,000 feet! Definitely a neat sight to see. The captains dropped shark bait down to the bottom around 40 feet where all the sharks started swarming. I was told they were Reef sharks and some of them were as big as 10 feet long! The divers had to stay at the surface and hold on to a rope so as not to splash around and attract attention from the sharks below. Actually, I should say everyone else swam with the sharks. I decided to keep all of my fingers and toes and stay in the boat; but I did get some pretty awesome pictures and video! Kasper stayed with me. He said he was going on a dive next week, but I think he really just chickened out! When everyone was out of the water, the captain pulled the bait back up and started feeding the sharks, so I have some pretty great pictures of the sharks at the surface fighting each other for food! After the dive, we went to this organic farm for lunch. It was incredible to walk around. This place completely sustains itself with all of the organic produce it produces...I mean literally everything made at the restaurant was grown on the farm...all except for the Gatorade...haha! It was another great place to experience while on the island...I'll post pictures on facebook of all of this soon...

Despite my not feeling so well, hanging out with the journalists that day was fun. I was a journalism major in college, so it was neat to chat with some of the writers and hear about their exciting adventures (aka...what my life "could have been") while diving and later at lunch. Don't worry, I'm not in any hurry to leave teaching! I say "some" of the journalists were cool because a few of them were just plain lame. There was this one guy David who was a freelance travel writer from Canada. He was all talk and no substance. I sat there listening to his stories thinking to myself...he goes to all of these really neat places, but has he ever really discovered the true beauty, the true culture, the true desperation, of these place??? Maybe it was just his MO or my misjudgment of him, but as he talked and talked about places like Cuba or the Dominican Rep, he seemed to have these blinders on that only promoted the stereotypes of what these countries are all about and not the true culture. I wanted to ask him so many questions but I thought I would only get a BS answer. I guess that's why Americans are so shut off from the reality of the rest of the world sometimes...I mean, if he is the type of people disseminating the information about these places, no wonder we all look like morons when it comes to foreign affairs. We are never given the whole story. OK...off my soap box now...There was another guy, Hunter, from Alabama (I think) I don't remember what he wrote for or really even about what, but he was kind of quirky...the kind of guy who seemed up for anything. Anita was awesome. Probably late 30's. Not married. Wrote for "Modern Bride" and a total party girl! I talked to her for maybe 10 minutes (in my nauseated state) before she was inviting me to Miami to take me out...haha! Jennifer was just a total sweetheart. She didn't snorkel so we sat on the boat and just chatted about life most of the morning...she lives near Fort Lauderdale with her husband. We got a long splendidly! And finally, there was Kirk. He works for the resort, is a local Bahamian, and it was interesting to sit with him at lunch and talk about his family, his work, and just his general impressions of growing up on the island and his dreams for the future. All in all, everyone was great and I was thankful for their company.

When I got back to the resort, I took a desperately needed nap and later decided to get off the beach resort and went for a run on the street. For part of the path, there were beautifully landscaped gardens in the middle of the road, and the rest of the road was boarded by cute and brightly-colored English-colonial style homes or hotels. I know this island and many others in the Bahamas are poor, and part of me really wished I could see those parts of the islands; but at the same time I kept trying to tell myself that I'm on VACATION and NOT a mission trip. There is plenty of time for that later...besides, my heart is in Haiti. Philip and Pastor LeFluer would be peeved if I mission hopped to the Bahamas : ) Later that night, I just went and sat by the beach for a while, had some good reflection/prayer time and watched the crazy bride's ceremony and reception. It was really beautiful. Kasper was overseeing a prom at the hotel that night. He had invited me to tag along, but I didn't want to bother him while he was working...plus he was probably super tired too. He didn't get a nap from the weekend's fun; but I did get to see some of the teens all dressed up. Soooo adorable...ahhh the days of prom and sorority formals. I need some place to go to get all dressed up for...

My last day in the Bahamas was spent in Nassau shopping. I did the touristy thing...Senior Frogs, straw market, etc. I discovered that I am slightly addicted to expensive Italian leather. Tina is addicted to jewelry : ) Ha! Later that night, we spent some time in the casino...I gambled my first $5 EVER which sufficiently kept me entertained for about an hour's worth of fun. We headed back to the hotel bar later to watch the NBA finals game. LA won. Booooo! As I am writing this, I am on the plane headed home, and AGAIN I have not had a good experience flying with American Airlines through Miami. Go figure. I won't bore you with the details. It isn't as exciting as say the whole getting stuck in a hurricane in a third world country experience of last August; but I did get to meet a group in Miami's airport who were on their way to Haiti. I talked to a few teenage girls who were super excited. I told them a little bit about my experience and told them to be careful because they might just leave their hearts there as I did after my first trip. It was a nice/fitting way to end this first leg of my summer world adventure....now, back to Chicago for a few days before part 2 begins!!!

T-13 days until Europe...I'm so excited that I can hardly contain myself!!!

Let the Summer World Adventures Begin...First Stop: The Bahamas

Part 1 of my Around the World Summer Adventure has begun. First Stop...Nassau, The Bahamas!

I arrived in Nassua in the Bahamas the night before last. YES...I know...I dediced to forego the Cubs "WE Belive" premier...I know, I know...so out of character for me...to tag along with my sister on her work trip. I needed to get out of Chicago for a while (as if a month in Europe won't be enough!!!), so here I am. Do you remember the "Saved By the Bell" season when Zack and the gang worked at a beach resport for the summer? That's kind of what it feels like for me to be here in the Bahamas. My sister has been working (and dealing with a crazy bridezilla this week I might add)...so I have found myself wandering around the beach and pools, making fast friends with all of the help and learning the ins and outs of the island because everyone else who is here is either really old, or young couples on their honeymoon...gag, and I'm finding it hard to relax and just be still for even just a moment! Don't worry, I'm confident the "relaxing part" will come soon. I've just been running on full speed for the past few months of school now that its gonna take me a few days to settle down!

A part of me is wishing that I was in Haiti. This place is certainly nothing like there. I had a nice chat with LeFluer yesterday morning about going back there in August. I don't think that is going to work out, and after talking with Bucky shortly after, we are going to make the December trip happen instead. The guilt set in on the plane on the way over here. This is my first real vacation in almost 4 years...Sure I've gone to Florida to visit family and I've been to some really cool places on mission trips but those doen't count. The sole purpose of this trip is to get away, clear my mind, and relax for a while. But at the same time, I feel a little guilty that I'm spending the money to come here (and in a few weeks to Europe) and enjoy myself and not to serve the people of the country of Haiti who I love so much...but God isn't making that happen for me this summer...He sent me here, and is sending me to Europe for most of July and I have full faith that I will find Him in all of these places... I also decided to dedicate this summer to the essential works of C.S. Lewis. I finsished "Mere Christianity" yesterday. Heavy stuff that I am still digesting and will most likely be commenting on here in the days to come as I sort through it all in my head. I also began "A Grief Observed" which I'll save my commentary on for now, but may just be exactly what I need to hear from God right now...

I've been to Nassau before, but only on a cruise ship. That experience gave me nothing of what it was really like to be in the Bahamas. When we got in, we took a 20 minute cab ride through a cute little neighborhood, where if I didn't know any better, could have mistaken it for any neighborhood in south Florida, on our way to the hotel. Some of the buildings have a lot of British influcence which is pretty cool, but the new constructon (and there is a lot of it) is all pretty modern American. Everything here, at least in Nassau, is Americanized! They have Starbucks, and Gap, and Bally Total Fitnesses ad Tiffanys! What has happened to the Bahamian (pronounced Bohemian) culture???? AND I'm soooo confused. Everything here is backwards. They drive on the other side of the road. The up and down escalators are switched. The hot and cold water is switched. A lot of other things too...I guess its good practice for Europe, right???

The night we checked in, Tina introduced me to a few coworkers, we dropped our bags in our room and headed straight to the bar where I made fast friends with the Bahamian bartender named Robert who mixed me up a really fabulous Bahamian Sangria...YUM! I managed to convince him to turn on the end of the Cubs game , and later the NBA finals which he was way more excited about, and he entertained us for most of the night (Yes, I realize this statement makes me a hipocrite...wanting American entertainment after complaining about the lack of Bahamian culture...but bear with me here for a second). It was fun to sit and chat with Robert and a few other Bahamians who came around during after-hours. They were super-fun, super-laid back, and I got to hear a lot about what their lives are like living on the island. Here's a bit of random information for you...my electric bill last month was $54. Robert's electric bill last month was over $800. Crazy island electrical company! Last night we came back after dinner and convinced the new bartener, Patrick, to flip to the Big G (WGN) just in time to see the Cubbies lose it in the 9th . Sadness! He mixed me up a yummy "Go Slow Mon" drink which apparently I didn't drink slow enough for the 5 types of Rum he put in it! Whoops! I also met a very lovely couple from New Castle, England, UK last night at the bar who game me a lot of great information on traveling in Europe and who liked to say the word "Brillian" after every phrase and/or sentence! The man used to be in the British Royal Navy...very interesting guy. He was most concerned with making sure that I see a Rugby match while in London. I got all the ins and outs of the game of Rugby from him. He told me all about the UK United team (I think that's what the Irish, English, Scottish, Whales All-Star-ish team was called???) who in case you were wondering are in South African playing their national team right now, AND he also made sure to tell me several times that all Rugby players are rugged and cute! Brilliant! Anyway, back to the Bohamians...I'm glad I'm getting to know real Bahamaian people instead of those fake tourist-nappers who try to sell you stuff. Those people are here too...mainly on the beach and in the casino...they keep calling me "beautiful lady" followed by some sort of proposition for free club tickets to Atlantis or discounts on snorkeling...The same lady tried to sell me a time share 3 times within the span of about 2 hours... I just wanted to look at her after the 3rd inquiry, cock my head to the right and say "Seriously?!?...the fist 2 no weren't didn't convince you? Seriously?!?!?"...whatever! .

The Sheraton Resort here is really beautiful. There are 5 pools scatterd among beautifully lanscaped cliffs and waterfals just steps from the beach and the ocean...literally! One of the pools has a swim-up bar where the bartender takes your order right in the water and you can just hang out on the ledge and drink. On the beach, there are 2 small islands in the distance. You can also see Atlantis. Jet skiers, parasailors or a boat in the distance occassionally makes its way across the view, and this morning I've seen 2 cruise ships come in to the harbor which is probably about 3 or so miles to the East; but otherwise it is pretty private...nothing like the business of Chicago, New Buffalo in MI. or Fort Myers/Naples Beaches which is what I've been used to. I've always enjoyed going to the beach...any beach and taking in all of its beauty, but I've never been a "swim at the beach" person. I'm more of a "must be near the water" person; but the waters here on Cable beach beckoned me in yesterdag. They are so clear and warm, and you can literally see hundreds of little tropical fish swimming around you...freaked me out at first, but I got over it...Last night for Tina's birthday, T, her coworker Todd (who is hysterical!!!), and I went to Bob Marley's place for dinner just down the street. This home turned Bed and Breakfast used to be the retreat of the Marley family. The atmosphere was very cool. Of course they had Marley family music playing, lots of family pictures adorning all of the rooms; but the style wasn't that prosaic "hippi-regae, weed-smoking" cliche that everyone in the States seems to make out the whole Bob Marley aura. It was all quite sofisticated actually. We sat out on the back portch for dinner and watched the sunset. Island food is AMAZING. I had lobster and pumpkin soup as a starter. For my mail mean, I had the fresh catch with a sweet potato polenta and some sort of pea/zuchini/pineapple chutney in a sweet sauce (certainly not Haitian food). Bohemian food has this amazing mix of sweet and spice. I can't really describe it properly.

Danielle will appreciate this...I'm sitting here on the beach now just a few feet away from these young girls who are speaking Portugese. I think they might be journalists...they seem to be working on something. Maybe I'll ask later. But it is bring back fond memories of Daniel, Nelson, Diego and FERNANDO in San Diego! :::sigh:::

Well, its time for me to start exploring...Until I get bored again....

Reflections on "Hitting for Haiti"

Most days, I feel really insignificant...not in a depressing or futilistic way...but I've become acustomed to my simple life of serving my kids, loving the people around me, and just generally feeling comfortable in that God has me where He wants me in this place and time. But then there are thosee brief shining moments of greatness or adventure that confirm to me that God is indeed in control, He has a perfect purpose for me in this world, and if only I just had a little more faith, maybe, just maybe, He has destined me for to do great things much greater than myself. "Hitting for Haiti" has become one of those brief shining moments for me.

To give you a little bit of background..."Hitting for Haiti" started as a simple idea for my 8th grade girls volleyball team to take their focus away from repeating as conference champions this season, and to focus on something much more worthwile...scoring points and winning games to raise money for children and teens in need in Haiti. My kids come from a very blue collar, middle-working class families and they usually dont have the resources to help others in this way either...the goal was to show them that they can make a difference no matter their age or resources. For more information, go to my district's website: http://www.d45.dupage.k12.il.us/mainframes/indexje.htm and click on "Hitting for Haiti."

The fundraising aspect of this campaign worked. In fact, the kids became so invested in Haiti, that the 7th grade girls team and both boys teams jump on board with us, and student council even contributed through a fundraiser. The idea continued to snowball as the girls began to write letters to local business, face painted for donations at our tournaments, and I even found myself taking girls to meet with important community figures to discuss what we were doing. We even made the front page of the local section of the Chicago Tribune! Dan Super, the Social Studies teacher on my team (God love him!) even dedicated a lesson to Hitting for Haiti...not about the country...but about the power that one person's idea can have in the world...He had the kids begging me and trying to convince me to go global!

All in all, we've raised over $1700 to date, with more money and encouraging notes coming in every day. My mom asked me the other day if I am proud of myself for all that we've accomplished, but to tell you the truth, this season has been nothing short of hellish for me. While the focus on Haiti worked, the lack of focus on winning did not...You need to understand that my kids come from the "other side of the tracks" and this particular class has been blessed with exceptional athletes who have grown accustomed to winning...the one thing that they can claim and be proud of. But it is the pressure and the lack of rallying around the team and the lack of leaders leading that came with this that really made things difficult for me this season. I had girls who played last year alienating the girls who were new to the team this year, actualy blaming them for losses saying that they didn't want to win. I had my captains lead a pitty party one night after a loss. They literally told me that it was my fault we lost the game because I put players in who were not as good as them. I had complete meltdowns on the court from one bad play...the frustration got to them and they couldn't play through mistakes that just brought the entire team down. At one point in the season, we lost to a team that hadn't won a game in over 2 years. That sucked! It was only a handful of my girls who did this, and I shed a lot of blood sweat and tears trying to get this girls to see that winning isn't everything...that winning isn't everything...that becoming a leader doesnt just mean being a good athlete, and that having great athletic skills alone doesn't make a team...its the process, the growth, that makes one great!

It was difficult at first. I benched kids. I cancelled practice for team building activities, I forced them to do things in practice that made them rely on each other...some of the time these things were carried out with much anger, much frustrations, tears, and a few even became rebellious. Clearly, Satan was trying to foil our H4H campaign...thankfully it didn't happen.

I'd like to add a small note here about Alan Derr...the 7th grade girls coach. I don't know what I would have done without that man. If it weren't for his constant words of encouragement, confirmation, and sometimes fighitng words, I'm not sure I would have made it out alive. I've been fortunate enough to work with him closely in several capasities over the past few years, and he has become one of my role models. I <3 you Alan!

By the end of the season, I believe that I had gotten through to most of the girls...a visible transformation occurred in a few of them and they told me so at season's end. We ended up taking 2nd in conference, and in our last game, we defeated the conference champs, robbing them of a perfect season; but there was still 1 girl who held out with the negative attitude. It pains me to say it, but you can't save them all, right?

But here I've spent too much time on the negative when there are some girls on my team who deserve the real recognition. I want to tell you all about 1 in particcular. We'll call her T for the sake of annonymity. T is new to the school this year. She spends most of the day learning in the Emotional-Behavioral Special Ed classroom because she has been diagnosed with a psycotic disorder. She hangs out with the kids that I had to testify against last summer, had a discipline that could stretch the length of a volleyball coaurt, and all indications were that she was a real piece of work in the classroom. I took her anyway, and found her to be an incredible 13-year old who just happened to be stuck in a sucky life situation. She moved to Villa Park because Dad-the alcoholic and stop mom had won custody of she and her sister. I bought her the uniform, kneepads and shoes because her parents woudln't. At one point, she shared with me that she was been having increcibly painful pains in her abdomen and that no one would take her to the doctor. One day they were so bad, that she could barely walk. I tried to get DCFS involved, but without visibale signs of neglect, they said it was her word against her parents(seriously...what is this world coming to), so I told her to go home, lay kicking and screaming on the floor until someone took her to a doctor). She did it and it turned out that she had had a kidney infection for 2 months. Thank goodness the got her antibiodics when they did. The whole situations just makes me sick thinking about it. But here is my point in telling you this...during the course of the season, her behavior at school really started to turn around. And despite her neglect at home, she turned out to be one of the girls who bought most in to H4H. She was the one making the signs and leading the cheers both on and off the court. She uplifted my heart every day. I have several girls on my team with similar stories...most thankfully are not that severe, but there is divorce, domestic violence, lost jobs, kids taking care of kids...its no wonder that these kids otherwise never felt they could make a difference in the world...but Hitting for Haiti made them think differently. The notes and recognition have been really crucial in helping them understand that too. They were really excited about the Trib article. A councilor from a nearby middle school phoned me telling me that they are gathering supplies for a different ministry in Haiti but we must have spoke for an hour after school just telling each other about our missions and progress with the promise to keep in touch and encourage each other's kids' efforts. Another anonymous woman sent us a check with a note saying, "It is because of kids like you that other children don't have to go to bed hungry tonight. Bless you and all that you are doing." My kids are truely getting a sense that they are not as insignificant as they, or anyone else might make them out to be...

So to answer my mom's question...No. I am not at all proud of myself...maybe it was only because all of the hardship kept me grounded...and in fact I still sometimes feel like a failure for not being able to completely transform all my girls (and even reach that 1) in the areas character building and leadership. But I am in shock and awe in the ways in which God used an idea from little ole me, gave me the courage to pursue it, and exploded it through no doing of my own into somthing much greater than me, my athletes, or even Jefferson Middle School. It makes me wonder at all the other ideas and dreams that I've had that I've pushed to the back of the closet because I was too scared, too stupid, or just lacked enough conficence and faith to really realize them. My kids helped a lot of kids in Haiti get basic needs we all take for granted everyday. Moreover, this campaign gave them the confidence that they too, no matter how insignificant they may feel, make a difference in the lives of others...and for that, I AM SOOOOO PROUD OF THEM!

Just call me Miss Spontaneity!

First of all, I’d like to start off by saying…

THANK YOU TENNESSEE for unfreezing my car’s windshield wiper fluid! In addition to seeing the beauty in the grayness (see previous blog post), I am not looking out through a clear surface!

Yes, that’s right. I’m in Nashville Tennessee. I decided to be spontaneous and drive down here this morning. I just needed to get out of Chicago for a while…to clear my head (and my car’s windshield apparently…I’m sitting here looking out at my car a little embarrasses about the thick film of salt and soot covering it…I don’t think they even need to salt the roads here in Nashville…my car looks a little out of place…note to self…better find a car wash, STAT!). I diverge…

So I’m in TN…ironically enough, after spending all week thinking about whether or not to apply for my Doctoral degree…the deadline for my program at Vanderbilt passed Thursday…I didn’t submit my portfolio, yet God has brought me here today, had me pass through here 3 weeks ago, and will bring me back here in just 2 short weeks for the Haiti ball. I’m OK with giving up my Vanderbilt dream…at least for the next year, but I was a little hesitant at first to just jump in my car and come down here seeing as how I would be back for an identical trip at the end of the month AND my cell phone isn’t fully functioning…YIKES (sorry for cutting you off mom, Donna, and Mr. Nyffeler)! But something was pushing me to just do it, and as I began my journey from -17 degrees weather in Chicago to 40 degree weather here, my spirit eased. Just call me Miss Spontaneity! The 7 hour drive was exactly what I needed. Brandon Heath, Third Day, and I had several “moments” in the car together… the head-clearing process is well underway and I’m starting to feel like myself again…

I am currently sitting in a little smoothie place called “9 fruits” –after the fruits of the spirit (Galations6:22-23)—Get it?—waiting for Christine to finish work, and anticipating catching up with Donna, a friend who I went to Haiti with, over dinner in just a few hours. As I am typing, I am listening to some guys chit chat over how cold it is here…HA! If they only knew where I had just come from…

Aside from San Diego, Nashville is quickly becoming my soul-haven. Here, nature’s beauty meets music—the two things that breath life into my soul the most. I’ve come to get some things out of my head…to put some others to rest… and to strengthen my “Fruits of the Spirit” so to speak, which is another reason why it is so ironic that I ended up here.

Here’s how I’m doing so far upon arriving…
Love – Got it! Overflowing with it! Love is GREAAAAAAAT!
Joy – Yes, in most things anyway…like my windshield wiper fluid…yes, I am easily amused! (Wouldn’t be ironic if I didn’t have this one…haha!)...
Peace – Definitely NOT…I’m here to settle my restless heart on several things…
Patience – Definitely learning this one…refer to the “Beauty in the Gray” post…
Kindness – Check…but sometimes gets me in trouble…
Goodness – I’m pretty sure…
Faithfulness – Trying as hard as I can…
Gentleness – Yes!
Self Control – This one is up for debate…

So I’m here…like I said…hoping to get the weight of a few things off my shoulders…looking forward to a few days away from Chicago with good friends (from Haiti), eating fried pickles, and defrosting in Tennessee's warmth!

Here’s a quick update on stuff…

Like I mentioned before…Vanderbilt is a negative…at least for next year…still haven’t reconciled spending all that money on a degree that will do not other good than give me personal satisfactions…as of now, I’d rather use the money for something more beneficial…

Cindy started her new round of treatments yesterday. For those of you who don’t know…the report that she was in remission a few months ago was a false reading. Talk about a cruel joke...Her tumor markers are still up and after some further investigation, the tumors on her liver are growing again…the others have remained the same thank goodness. Anyway, she is getting monthly shots of something or other. This treatment has had really successful results in the UK (I think that’s what they told me), and it isn’t supposed to have the side effects of Chemo…we will wait and see I guess.

My grandmother is doing much, much better. Her rehab and recovery of her memory and mind are going well. Actually, she is all but back to her old, fiery self…ticked off as all get-out that she will not be able to go back to her home by herself and letting everyone know it! It is slowly becoming more and more apparent to me where I get my stubbornness from…I’m not so sure I’m proud of it anymore…

Brother Bill is still not speaking to most of the family, but I am continuing to make it a priority to go spend time with my niece and nephew who seem to be taking it the hardest…

And finally on a lighter note….after spending 7 hours in the car today, it occurred to me…Why on earth does Cracker Barrel put up billboards advertising their green beans or their corn? Seriously! Do you know the billboards I’m talking about…the ones with the big plates of a food with the Cracker Barrel sign? Soooooo not appetizing! I mean, everyone knows that millions of kids try to avoid vegetables at the dinner table every evening??? So what moron in their marketing department decided that they should put up gigantic sized green beans on signs along the highway instead of CB’s yummy cinnamon apples or cherry pancakes? Seriously! I wonder how that’s working for them???

Forget Black and White...Finding the Beauty in the Gray!

I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately with patience. For some reason, I seem to have adopted the attitude of “Everything should be black and white” as of late, and I’ve been missing the beauty in the shades of gray. As my friend Brian put it… “God wants the gray so he can fill in the color!” My need for black and white has affected me so much so lately that I am continually frustrated and insecure when it comes to certain aspects of my life…The only area where I continue to have the patience of a saint and confidence in the challenge of uncertainty is at school with my kids…why I have the 2 different mind sets is beyond me…Its like I am 2 different people sometimes. I can only attribute it to spiritual warfare as I am confident in my abilities and passionate about working with youth and it would take a lot to shake me from something that I am so certain of as my life’s direction; but I guess the uncertainties, constant changes and lack of control in other aspects of my life play on my weaknesses and play on this need for the “black and white.” I have been reminded several times in the past weeks that I need to be OK with the fact that life is going to be messy sometimes, but ultimately in the end it will work out for good...and it is only in the messiness and uncertainty that we can truly appreciate the outcomes. I’m not completely sure why I’ve been neglecting this attitude because it has not always been this way for me, but I do know that God is making me work on my ability to be patient and be comfortable in the gray. It took a beautiful sunset, some unsettling and nostalgic situations, and a few unsolicited contacts of encouragement to open my eyes to this. You see, God keeps sending me little “God gifts” of confirmation in all this grayness…but I guess I’ve been too frustrated and self-centered to see the beauty in all of it, so my new goal is to open my eyes; and in doing so be confident that God is working out all of the situations that I am sooo worried about because they are not black and white. And as PT said..."Do and Do Not. There is no Try." I have to do more than just simply try...I have to force myself to do...and I hope to record those moments here to keep myself accountable. I hope some of my moments will offer you a little encouragement too… so here it goes…

I began day 1 of the New Year with much uncertainty about the future (my family issues, illnesses, grad school, relationships, etc). My New Years Eve was characterized by a restless and sleepless night with a million different thoughts going through my head about the year I as leaving behind…wondering if I had lived it right, and the uncertainty of the year to come. My Mom’s wisdom calmed me for a good part of the day, but peace didn’t come until that night. The day ended with a comforting quite time of prayer and thought of what my mother’s words of encouragement on a Gulf Coast beach as God gave me one of the most beautiful sunsets in recent memory. Talk about filling in the color! I was sitting on the beach, watching the magnificent picture being painted before me, listening to the waves role onto the shore, and losing myself the beauty of it all and I simply heard “I am King. I will lead.” God renews my spirit and speaks to me through nature…He always has…and finally in that moment, I found a peace that had been lacking for quite some time…simply because I decided to stop worrying, be still, and just listen.

The next day I had a frustrating experience at the airport as my flight was cancelled due to mechanical errors and the airline was only able to get me out of an airport 1.5 hours away the next morning; but due to my flight cancellation, I got an extra evening in Florida complete with a beautiful sunset in between rain clouds and a rainbow Again…the filling in the color. Did you know that rainbows appear in the Bible, only a handful of times, but as a symbol of God’s majesty, comfort and hope? There is one in the first chapter of Ezekiel and two in Revelation when God reveals himself ( a rainbow around him), hence the rainbow is a glimpse of his glory; but the image I am most drawn to is the appearance of a rainbow in Genesis 9. God has just destroyed the Earth with a flood, and I can only image what Noah and his family had going through their heads as they have spent the past few months watching the entire human and animal races destroyed so violently and then waiting for the waters to recede…perhaps they had afear of God’s wrath and judgment, uncertainty of God’s promise that He would save Noah and never destroy the Earth via flood again??? But God knew their fear, took compassion on them, and said “I have set my bow in the could, at it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the Earth ~Genesis 9:13. It is as if He is to say, “I know things are messy right now, but look up. I am here and My love for you is Great. Be reassured.” As the scene unfolded, my mind drifted to the first time I studied the significance of rainbows in the Bible. I saw one as my parents were driving me to the airport in June of 2002 on my way to my first summer of living in San Diego and Tijuana. I was scared to death…going away for 3 months, not knowing a soul, fearful of what might come of that summer, uncertain of how and if my life would change; but to this day, I consider it one of my most life changing experiences that has molded me into the woman I am today… God comforted me with his symbol of hope and assurance then and worked it out that summer beyond my wildest expectations…and He was letting me know that He is going to work it out now.

The peace continued after I arrive home and God began to work out why I have been in this frame of mind lately. The Sunday before school started back was filled with chaos. I had learned early in the morning that the night before, my grandmother had packed herself a bag, climbed out her bedroom window and just began walking in the middle of the night. A couple found her several hours later several blocks away from her home lying in a field. Her body temp was 87 degrees. She had had a stroke a few days before which had affected the memory and speech part of her brain causing this confusion. I was completely worked up…worried about my grandmother…my parents had begun driving home…trying to figure out what was going on. The peace came as I spent a quite and comforting afternoon with a friend, mostly just sitting in stillness and silence, after a chaotic and confusing morning. Patience…not worrying about what I know God would work out. My grandmother is doing much better now…still bruised and quite a big confused about things, but her fiery personality is back and she is on the road to recovery. Thank you to those of you who had expressed your prayers and concern through the whole process.

Finally, Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, God finally set me on a course to help me dig out the root of my impatience. I was awakened at 2am to a conversation that completely changed the game in a certain aspect of my life that I had previously thought the direction was pretty certain. Of course I could not get back to sleep, so I spent the remainder of the wee hours of the morning in prayer and journaling through some issues that had been weighing on my heart. God really gave me a sense of clarity and revealed to me a wound in my heart that had been reopened over the summer and had not dealt with yet…and in doing so, I think I was subconsciously believing certain things about myself that are absolutely NOT TRUE (thanks Satan for that one) that were affecting me in several aspects of my life…it certainly is something that is causing me to feel the need for the “black and white” and causing worry and frustration when I don’t see it. Anyway, it was a rough but ultimately good morning sorting through a lot of garbage trying to get to the root of these feelings and trying to figure out how to regain my confidence and peace in the grayness. That is when I began really grasping hold this whole idea of finding beauty in the grayness. This idea was only confirmed by a completely unsolicited conversation with Brian Hunt Friday afternoon when he pretty much encouraged me with the exact words that had been running through my head in the days preceding (ps, friend…this is the 2nd time you’ve encourage me in recent weeks…remember Blackberries on Christmas Eve??? Remind me to share that story with you another time) Obviously the wound isn’t healed yet, but I’m well on my way to allowing God to fill that God-sized hole in my heart that I’ve been walking around with for the past several months with beautiful color.

The beauty in the grayness and patience lessons continued once back at school. Most days as a teacher, you never really see the yield from the impact (if any) we have on a child…I know this, and it is something that I don’t really worry about, but on Friday, a situation that started out as one of the scariest and worrying of my life came full circle…and of course it was God filling in the beauty of the gray! The Language Arts teacher gave the kids an assignment where they have to interview and write a paper on someone that they consider a hero or role model. I had about 25 kids ask me if they could interview me…which was confirming in itself, but 1 student in particular really made my day. You see, at the end of the school year last year, another teacher and I broke up a fight off of school property. The aggressor (for the sake of anonymity, we will call her K) severely beat up 2 victims (we’ll call them O and R). The fight was so violent that R was in the hospital for several days with major head injuries, and K was charged with assault and battery. It was an experience that shook me to the core…both the fight, and the fact that I had to give statements to the police about K and her mother (who was jailed on another charge for the evening), and eventually in September, I was subpoenaed by the State’s Attorney to testify against her in court. To make matters more weird, K, O and R were all going to be students of mine this year. O and R are in my lunch bunch (which means I’m like their school councilor…meeting with them once a week for lunch to support them in whatever ways they need it…obviously I got these 2 girls because of my role in this situation), and I was very leery about having K in my class knowing that this troubled kid might hold a grudge against me…so much so that I approached my principal about it, but there literally was no other Reading teacher that she could have. To my surprise, K has turned out to be one of my favorite students this year. She eats lunch with me every other week or so and when she has probation court hearings, she shares them with me…her fear and the results, and a lot about her life in general too. She has a rough home life with a non-involved single mom. I am so proud of her for staying out of trouble this year. But the WOW moment came when, for this hero assignment, she chose me as her hero. K’s teacher questioned her about the decision asking if she held any animosity towards me for the whole fight/testifying situation, and K simply relayed that I was her “favorite teacher,” she “really trusts me”, she thinks I’m “super smart about stuff,” and wants to be “as cool as me when she gets older.” I just about cried when I heard that. Again, God filled in the color to a situation that I was originally freaked with the lack of black and whiteness of it all!

God provided another example of being patient through the grayness this week as God walked me on a journey down memory lane. It started with a long overdue phone conversation that I had with an old friend Julie Sadhu earlier this week…one of my closest friends from high school…and really the first person to introduce me to the personal nature of God. Over the past 10 year, I had searched for ways to contact her, but to no avail. Med school had been keeping her pretty busy…but out of the blue, Julz found me on facebook, the reconnection ensued, and for 2 hours this night we chatted away about God, life and everything that has happened in the past 10 years as if no time had passed at all. Julz is someone who had a significant impact on my life all those years ago, and I was sooooooo excited to reconnect with her and share with her the yield of the seeds she planted oh so many years ago! It’s funny, because this weekend I was back exploring my old stomping grounds for a few hours… My niece is following in her aunt’s footsteps. Kathleen is on the freshman dance team at Lincoln-Way West and so I went to watch her perform at Central. She was so adorable! It was weird being back at LWC. The game was in the North gym and when it was all over, I went over and just walked the lines on the badminton court where Donna Thompson and Coach DeYoung spent hours preparing Katie and I for state, pushing though that damn knee injury that I should have gotten surgery for. Yes, my State picture is still on the wall for badminton, and several others have followed. As I walked the halls of Central, a lot of memories flowed of good friends, good times. Julie had told me that she considered me her closest friend back then which gave me a peace because as I walked those halls I also thought of how seriously shallow and flawed I was as a person back then, and of all of the silly hopes and dreams I held as an 18 year old. I couldn’t help but be thankful that I am NOT the same girl I was back then; but it was just a gentle reminder that to God…our whole lives are gray. God was working in me then, He is working in me now, and I can’t help but wonder how much God will continue to mold and change me in the next 10 years…So why on earth do I strive for the black and white???

The final confirmation and some sort of direction came yesterday…Cathy and I got back into the old routine of church and a Starbucks conversation. Boy have I missed that routine…Anyway, several points of PT’s wisdom really struck me, but the big one was this…I have been seeking out God’s will desperately in a few aspects of my life lately (What is my future role in Haiti? Do I spend $$ pursuing my Doctorate at Vanderbuilt...which the admin office so reminded me how much they've enjoyed corresponding with me via a voicemail and reminded me that my app is due soon...for a degree that I won't really use and only want for the personal satisfaction of knowing I did it when I could use that money to do good somewhere else? Do I need to stick around now that we found out that Cindy's remission was a false reading knowing my brother and the kids may need me close in the near future again...Now that my Grandma can't life alone anymore? What of my relationships? etc.), but how can I know God’s will, if I don’t know God’s character completely??? Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot about God’s character, but there is waaaay more that I don’t know…for example, I realized that I have barely read the old testament…and there is soooo much richness about God’s character in there that I have neglected (HELLO GRAYNESS)…so anyway, I’ve decided to read through the Old Testament no matter how confusing and boring it may get at times…because I will never really and truly know God’s will for me until I fully and truly understand God’s character…yes, a practical way that I can help myself see the beauty in the grayness.

All of the above plus some other random instances…(“Top Chef, not Top Muscles” Night thanks to the Wurz clan, the insight of Swanny’s comedic literary genius of a play, my phone call with Christine B who told me I was freakishly calm in a situation that other would be absolutely hysterical over) sent me riding a wave of laughter and confirmation this past week that I hope to ride straight through next week and beyond... Until then, I will continue to work on my ability to be patient, and not miss the miracle of the moment when it comes to seeing the beauty in the gray…

Haiti Days 8 and 9: The Even Loooooonger Road Home...

So...this post is a long time coming...I wrote it back in October, but am now just getting around to posting it. Enjoy...

Thursday morning, we woke up early to begin our long journey home to the States. We weren’t sure that we would be able to get out of the country. Thursday was the first day the airport would be open and we could only image how many people would be trying to get out of Haiti. Additionally, we had been hearing reports of the roads between Jacmel and Port-au-Prince being washed away. Several trucks had left for the capital city and returned over the past few days due to road blockages; but that morning, a semi had left about 5am and not returned which was a good sign.

Contrary to previous reports, the bus to take us to PaP was able to navigate the damage and pick us up right at our hotel. As we loaded our things, it was really sad saying goodbye to Pastor Fedony, Rodrigue and the rest of our hosts from the week. We cried, hugged, took pictures and exchanged promises of keeping in touch and returning next year. Pastor gave Christine and I a bag of gnips for a snack during our journey home. A few of our new friends were to accompany us to the airport, and some, like Windelle, we were to drop off at their homes near PaP. The bus was not nearly as cramped as on our arrival as we had about 1/2 as fewer bags and luggage as before. Everyone had a seat!

The ride home was eerie. I couldn’t believe that I was leaving this country so soon. I wanted to stay. The countryside was still beautiful despite the damage. We passed little villages on our way back to PaP and people just continued on with their lives as nothing had happened despite the clear mudslides and damaged buildings. As we drove, it was evident that there had been many many mud and rock slides over the main road, but the local people must have cleared them away. As we continued along, we chatted, sang songs, took pictures and videos...and then, almost exactly halfway through the 5 hour journey, we came to the mother of all mud slides…

There was a huge line of cars waiting to get across. The earth had completely covered the road. The blockage was almost 3 stories high with huge boulders and trees mixed in, and the slide continued down a ravine that was at least a thousand feet below. A long line of people were getting around it by walking single file down the mountain and then back up...which was scary because one of those boulders could have come lose at any minute to tumble down and crush them (to get a better picture in your head, check out my pictures on facebook)

As our bus stopped in the long line, many of us got out and walked up to assess the situation. There were local people with machetes and other tools hacking away at the mud and debris. People said they had been at it since 5 am this morning. We all began to wonder what happened to the truck that had left Jacmel earlier and never returned… Some UN vehicles were parked to the side and the UN guards were just watching. The government wasn’t to arrive for a few more days to help clear the blockage. We didn’t have a few more days; but our fears soon turned from how long it would take to clear the road to wondering if there was even a road anymore under all that mud. We mingled for a while with some of the locals. It was beginning to sprinkle so many of us went back to the bus to take naps and hang out. After about 2 hours, the government finally arrived with 2 big machines to help clear the way. It took about 2 and ½ hours before the road was passable. Thankfully, the mud had not washed it away. When we finally were able to pass, the government wanted to charge us? UH, as if! We did collect cash on the bus and gave it to some of the locals who had worked so hard before the government arrived, and even in conjunction with them to clear the mess. We continued the rest of the way to PaP weaving in and out of the mountains. When we reached the city, it was as if nothing had changed. Trash was still all over the streets; people were everywhere walking around and selling fruit at makeshift markets. When we reached a point where it was time to drop Windelle and her mother off, I cried as she gave me a big hug and made me promise to come back next year. I gave her the bag of gnips and she jumped off the bus. As the bus pulled away, I watched her disappear into the crowd and the distance, and I prayed that she would remain safe and healthy until the next time we would meet.

Getting to the airport was CRAZY. Even the line of cars to get in took forever! When we go to the airport, we unloaded our luggage and Pastor LeFluer pushed us all in a line to get it. It seems as if a lot of military and UN police were all standing outside of the airport (at least 150 or so) but they were doing absolutely nothing! Not even directing people in the right direction. Once inside and through security, there were masses of people pushing their way to the ticket counters to try and get tickets. There was absolutely no order to anything. People were pushing and cutting. Many many people were angry and yelling at others. We pretty much had to lock arms and send our big boys to the front to push our group’s way to the ticket counters. I was able to maneuver my way to the front of a ticket line first because I am so small. Pastor and I were the first to check in and make our way to the waiting area. Our plane was on the tarmac, but it was delayed for who knows what reason.

During our delay, some of us went duty free shopping. I bought a case of Haitian rum, Haitian vanilla and some knickknack souvenirs for friends and supporters. Our plane was about 2 hours late. When we were finally called, we had to walk almost a mile on the tarmac to get to our plane. As we were waiting in line to get on Presidential style, I got my last 2 mosquito bites. I DEFINITELY will not miss the Haitian mosquitoes.

Our plane took off. It was black and hard to make out any land masses over the ocean. Philip was sad that he did not see his wife (err the Mennonite woman) on the way home. We landed in Miami with about 15 minutes to spare before our flight back to Nashville was to take off. Since Tom had no checked luggage, we sent him to run ahead and try and hold our plane. Apparently Tom had made it, but they would not hold the plane for the rest of us. Jerks! But that was the first of many disappointments American Airlines would cause us back in the States that night.

In our rush to get our checked baggage, get through customs, and get to our next plane, we all got separated. Some were stuck waiting at baggage for almost an hour because AA originally announced that a cargo hold on our plan was stuck. It turned out later, that Ben’s bags got left behind in Haiti! On the other side of customs, a security agent told me to go the completely wrong way which led me out of security. I got soooooo lost from the rest of the group. I tried to go back through security but the gate people to me that the airport was closed. I went to the AA ticket counter and they told me that to rebook a flight I needed to wait in this little gated area in the middle of the walkway. I felt like an animal in a holding pin. They put several other angry Haitians in this space with me. When I tried to leave to find my friends, the AA lady yelled at me and told me I couldn’t go. It was demoralizing the way she was treating us. Philip finally called me and asked where I was. He told me to come to the ticket counter inside security. I told him my story of how I was in a holding pin and the lady wouldn’t let me out, so he and Tom came to find me. When I saw them, I immediately began to cry. I couldn’t control it! Culture shock, exhaustion, being treated like dirt…I don’t know what it was but the tears just kept coming. The lady holding me yelled at Philip and Tom too, but they broke me out of jail and we went back to where the others were waiting.

At the second ticket counter, there were about 30 people waiting in line to rebook tickets, get hotels for the night or to make a claim for the many many bags that were left behind in Haiti. It was almost midnight at this point. I made it to the counter and asked to be rebooked to Chicago, but the AA people told me if would cost over $500. Our contract said I could rebook for free but they would not honor it! Did I mention I hate AA!!!??? CRAZY! If I rebooked to Nashville, I would have to find another flight back to Chicago. I was still hoping that I would make it back in the morning to teach my first class. Not so! I got out of line and got on my computer to try and find cheaper flights to no avail. Apparently Gustav reeked havoc on all air traffic flying in and out of gulf states. I resigned myself to going to Nashville with the others the next day, and trying to get back to Chicago somehow after that. Philip was able to rebook all of our flights, but Ben and Pastor were trying to fly elsewhere also, so we hung around until they tried to get their tickets. Several Haitians were very angry and yelling at the ticket agents. Then, all at once, the ticketing people all kind of looked at each other, and then just all walked away leaving many people with no tickets, no hotels, no bags...including us. Unbelievable! Bucky got it all on film. Later he told me “I think you just got your free ticket to Chicago, Joy!”

When no one came back to help those who still needed to rebook their flights or give us hotel vouchers, we headed to the curbside pick ups and got on the first hotel shuttle we saw. I had tried to get my sister to get us rooms at a Starwood hotel, but they were either booked, or way far away. We ended up staying at a Red Roof Inn. Once checked in, I took a shower, called my mom and Josh, and finally calmed myself down. We ordered pizza and hung out in a room for a majority of the evening. I called and cancelled my original flight from Nashville to Chicago and called Sandy and Christine to take care of thing at school for me. I was really looking forward to meeting my kids Friday…and not at all excited of having to take another unpaid day off of school. Oh well.

Later in the evening, Ben knocked on my door. When I answered, he simply said, I have a lady on the phone who put me on a flight to Chicago tomorrow for free, do you want to get on too? OH MY GOODNESS!!! I was elated. When I got on the phone, she apologized profusely to me for the way in which we were treated by the AA people. I don’t know what Ben said to her, but as quickly as she said she was sorry, I was on the 8am flight home with Ben. (Apparently, Ben has quite a fun time on the phone with the AA people before knocking on my door…for a full account of his wheelings and dealings that evening, check out Ben Holton’s Haiti note about me on facebook).

Ben and I got up early and caught the shuttle to the airport. I was so tired and so weary that I know I wasn’t very much fun to talk to or be around by that point. We made it to our flight on time, and like that, we were in Chicago. Unfortunately we didn’t get to sit near each other, and he had to book it off the plane to catch his connection to St. Louis, but I was able to thank him later for helping me get home.

It was so weird to be back in Chicago after all of that. I caught a cab home, and while in the cab, the driver had the Republican Convention on and John McCain was giving his speech nominating Sarah Palin as his VP. I just remember being confused and thinking “who’s that???” I went to school immediately after I got home. I think I was in culture shock and I just didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to pick up the stuff from the sub and get things ready for next week. I also knew lots of people would want to hear about my experience, so I got all of that out of the way. I also wanted the nurse to check out my knees and hands. Tammy told me that I needed to go to the doctor because they looked infected. I got to meet my last period class for a few minutes. Everyone told me I looked like exhausted! Philip told me to ask my kids what they thought of me when they first saw me! Haha. I don’t think I want to know.

All in all, it has taken me a long time to readjust to life in IL after experiencing all that I did in Haiti. It took me a long time to go to a Starbucks or a mall without thinking about how vain I was, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of the kids and teens that I became close to in Haiti and pray for their safety and health. There have been 3 more hurricanes to hit Haiti in the weeks following my return home completely devastating the country. Many people have no food. New crops won’t be ready for months. The need there now is greater than ever. I have to confess that sometimes I feel guilty when I’m out to dinner or confronted with a large meal. I’ve certainly realized how lucky I am here in the states, and take a look at just how much I take certain things for granted and reevaluate some of my habits. I’ve been racking my brain ever since I got home as to how I can continue to help from Chicago…

Going back to school was a gift. I am thankful for my kids this year. They are such a nice group of students and they were so excited for me when I finally returned. Apparently my volleyball team was down at my room everyday worried sick for me too…Sandy was really good about giving them updates and explaining what as going on. And the trip has been an easy tool to share my faith with my kids. My experiences have provided me opportunities for teachable moments on social and character issues too…

It was definitely a life changing experience...one I hope I will continue to have in the years to come…My life plan in Haiti is not over yet, and I can’t wait to see what is in store for me next...

Haiti Day 7: The calm after the storm...

Last night I had my first full-blown hallucination from my malaria medication…thank goodness it wasn’t a nightmare. The generators were turned off overnight and everything was completely and utterly pitch black. I woke up in the blackness but through I was seeing people in my room. I am sharing a bed with Christine, but when I turned over, I saw a Haitian woman with 2 Haitian children sleeping on top of her. I also looked over towards our dresser and saw another Haitian woman standing there…and over on Donna’s bed, I saw about 5 more Haitian women and children piled on top of each other sleeping. I rubbed my eyes a few times but the images did not go away. They were so real and it ws kind of creepy. Thank goodness I had presence of mind to know that I was probably hallucinating so I laid back down and went back to sleep.

I woke up early this morning to go out on the roof and assess the damage. Today was supposed to be our beach day. I hear the beaches here are paradise, but when I went to the roof this morning, the sky was still dark and there was still a heavy wind, and it rained a good portion of the morning….so no beach for us. The destruction was not as bad as I thought it would be (things here aren’t built too well and the winds were howling all day yesterday), but it was still bad. Lines and wires were down all over the roadways. Trees and debris littered the streets and empty spaces. The empty lot next to us was completely flooded and the large tree that I mentions in an earlier blog where workers were using machetes to make lumber for building had completely snapped in half. Looking out over the rooftops, many many buildings were missing large portions of their roofs. A few hundred feet down the road, one building had completely collapsed; but oddly enough the Haitian people had already started to come out of their houses and go on with their daily business as if nothing had happened.

And then I looked down and saw a chicken cross the road. It gave me a good laugh. I had never seen a chicken cross the road before…

Rodrigue had drained the kitchen early this morning so we could have breakfast. The rain started to come down hard again so he shuffled us all downstairs to eat before it flooded again. Rodrigue was absolutely amazing to us last night. He kept the girls’ rooms from flooding by constantly putting new towels down to soak up the water in the hallways outside of our doors. He even chiseled a drain that was non-existent at the end of the hallway…literally took a pick and hammer and knocked a perfect circle through the tile and cement to the outside of the building so water could drain out of our hallway.

After breakfast, we began sorting all of the clothing and school supplies that we had brought for the people in the community. It was amazing to see how much we were able to actually bring. Pastor went out to find us food. He came back with some crackers, fresh water and peanut butter and jelly. Not much…but waaaay more than what the other people had. Past had kept his transistor radio on all day and we found out that 22 people had died in Jacmel and several others were still missing. A truck had tried to go to Port-au-Prince this morning and returned right away because the roads were too dangerous. Apparently, there was a huge mudslide on the only road leading to the capital city and the government is saying it will take several days to get it cleared; but Pastor said that the rich people will pay the locals to clear it because they need to get through as soon as possible.

Later in the afternoon, we decided to walk to Pastor’s house. The damage was incredible. Trees were down all over the roads. Power lines were down everywhere. Debris was all over the place. The river, which had been virtually dry with some puddles, was now a ragging rapid! The dirt roads were grooved from water rushing down the mountain washing away a lot of the rocks. It was nice to get out and get a little exercise after being cooped up in the hotel for the past 2 days. The taptap met us halfway to take us the rest of the way which we were thankful for because the dirt roads were just too flooded and washed away to navigate on foot.

At Pastor’s house, we had a simple meal of rice and beans. Pastor told us that they usually plan extravagant going away ceremonies, but because of the storm they were unable to go out and get the supplies to make us a cake or get us gifts; but they did give us some Haitian coffee and gave some pretty moving speeches about our time here. I cried the entire time…It totally hit me then that this was my last day in Haiti (maybe) and I am completely not ready to leave. Saying goodbye was very difficult to do for me, but I think God has more plans for me in Haiti…so I’m positive that I will be back soon.

Back at the hotel, we’ve been just packing up and getting ready to leave tomorrow. We are praying that the mudslide is cleared. We have to walk about a mile with our bags to meet the bus because the trees and lines down are too dangerous for the bus to get to us. Once we get to Port-au-Prince, we aren’t sure what to expect. Tomorrow will be the first day the airport is open after the storm, so I can image a lot of people will be there trying to get out. Please pray for our safe travels.

As we were packing, Rodrigue brought us up some Haitian rum and beer…and that is where I am off to now…

The next time I write here, I will hopefully be home, and have taught my first day of school… Can’t believe it!