Just call me Miss Spontaneity!

First of all, I’d like to start off by saying…

THANK YOU TENNESSEE for unfreezing my car’s windshield wiper fluid! In addition to seeing the beauty in the grayness (see previous blog post), I am not looking out through a clear surface!

Yes, that’s right. I’m in Nashville Tennessee. I decided to be spontaneous and drive down here this morning. I just needed to get out of Chicago for a while…to clear my head (and my car’s windshield apparently…I’m sitting here looking out at my car a little embarrasses about the thick film of salt and soot covering it…I don’t think they even need to salt the roads here in Nashville…my car looks a little out of place…note to self…better find a car wash, STAT!). I diverge…

So I’m in TN…ironically enough, after spending all week thinking about whether or not to apply for my Doctoral degree…the deadline for my program at Vanderbilt passed Thursday…I didn’t submit my portfolio, yet God has brought me here today, had me pass through here 3 weeks ago, and will bring me back here in just 2 short weeks for the Haiti ball. I’m OK with giving up my Vanderbilt dream…at least for the next year, but I was a little hesitant at first to just jump in my car and come down here seeing as how I would be back for an identical trip at the end of the month AND my cell phone isn’t fully functioning…YIKES (sorry for cutting you off mom, Donna, and Mr. Nyffeler)! But something was pushing me to just do it, and as I began my journey from -17 degrees weather in Chicago to 40 degree weather here, my spirit eased. Just call me Miss Spontaneity! The 7 hour drive was exactly what I needed. Brandon Heath, Third Day, and I had several “moments” in the car together… the head-clearing process is well underway and I’m starting to feel like myself again…

I am currently sitting in a little smoothie place called “9 fruits” –after the fruits of the spirit (Galations6:22-23)—Get it?—waiting for Christine to finish work, and anticipating catching up with Donna, a friend who I went to Haiti with, over dinner in just a few hours. As I am typing, I am listening to some guys chit chat over how cold it is here…HA! If they only knew where I had just come from…

Aside from San Diego, Nashville is quickly becoming my soul-haven. Here, nature’s beauty meets music—the two things that breath life into my soul the most. I’ve come to get some things out of my head…to put some others to rest… and to strengthen my “Fruits of the Spirit” so to speak, which is another reason why it is so ironic that I ended up here.

Here’s how I’m doing so far upon arriving…
Love – Got it! Overflowing with it! Love is GREAAAAAAAT!
Joy – Yes, in most things anyway…like my windshield wiper fluid…yes, I am easily amused! (Wouldn’t be ironic if I didn’t have this one…haha!)...
Peace – Definitely NOT…I’m here to settle my restless heart on several things…
Patience – Definitely learning this one…refer to the “Beauty in the Gray” post…
Kindness – Check…but sometimes gets me in trouble…
Goodness – I’m pretty sure…
Faithfulness – Trying as hard as I can…
Gentleness – Yes!
Self Control – This one is up for debate…

So I’m here…like I said…hoping to get the weight of a few things off my shoulders…looking forward to a few days away from Chicago with good friends (from Haiti), eating fried pickles, and defrosting in Tennessee's warmth!

Here’s a quick update on stuff…

Like I mentioned before…Vanderbilt is a negative…at least for next year…still haven’t reconciled spending all that money on a degree that will do not other good than give me personal satisfactions…as of now, I’d rather use the money for something more beneficial…

Cindy started her new round of treatments yesterday. For those of you who don’t know…the report that she was in remission a few months ago was a false reading. Talk about a cruel joke...Her tumor markers are still up and after some further investigation, the tumors on her liver are growing again…the others have remained the same thank goodness. Anyway, she is getting monthly shots of something or other. This treatment has had really successful results in the UK (I think that’s what they told me), and it isn’t supposed to have the side effects of Chemo…we will wait and see I guess.

My grandmother is doing much, much better. Her rehab and recovery of her memory and mind are going well. Actually, she is all but back to her old, fiery self…ticked off as all get-out that she will not be able to go back to her home by herself and letting everyone know it! It is slowly becoming more and more apparent to me where I get my stubbornness from…I’m not so sure I’m proud of it anymore…

Brother Bill is still not speaking to most of the family, but I am continuing to make it a priority to go spend time with my niece and nephew who seem to be taking it the hardest…

And finally on a lighter note….after spending 7 hours in the car today, it occurred to me…Why on earth does Cracker Barrel put up billboards advertising their green beans or their corn? Seriously! Do you know the billboards I’m talking about…the ones with the big plates of a food with the Cracker Barrel sign? Soooooo not appetizing! I mean, everyone knows that millions of kids try to avoid vegetables at the dinner table every evening??? So what moron in their marketing department decided that they should put up gigantic sized green beans on signs along the highway instead of CB’s yummy cinnamon apples or cherry pancakes? Seriously! I wonder how that’s working for them???

Forget Black and White...Finding the Beauty in the Gray!

I’ve been having a lot of trouble lately with patience. For some reason, I seem to have adopted the attitude of “Everything should be black and white” as of late, and I’ve been missing the beauty in the shades of gray. As my friend Brian put it… “God wants the gray so he can fill in the color!” My need for black and white has affected me so much so lately that I am continually frustrated and insecure when it comes to certain aspects of my life…The only area where I continue to have the patience of a saint and confidence in the challenge of uncertainty is at school with my kids…why I have the 2 different mind sets is beyond me…Its like I am 2 different people sometimes. I can only attribute it to spiritual warfare as I am confident in my abilities and passionate about working with youth and it would take a lot to shake me from something that I am so certain of as my life’s direction; but I guess the uncertainties, constant changes and lack of control in other aspects of my life play on my weaknesses and play on this need for the “black and white.” I have been reminded several times in the past weeks that I need to be OK with the fact that life is going to be messy sometimes, but ultimately in the end it will work out for good...and it is only in the messiness and uncertainty that we can truly appreciate the outcomes. I’m not completely sure why I’ve been neglecting this attitude because it has not always been this way for me, but I do know that God is making me work on my ability to be patient and be comfortable in the gray. It took a beautiful sunset, some unsettling and nostalgic situations, and a few unsolicited contacts of encouragement to open my eyes to this. You see, God keeps sending me little “God gifts” of confirmation in all this grayness…but I guess I’ve been too frustrated and self-centered to see the beauty in all of it, so my new goal is to open my eyes; and in doing so be confident that God is working out all of the situations that I am sooo worried about because they are not black and white. And as PT said..."Do and Do Not. There is no Try." I have to do more than just simply try...I have to force myself to do...and I hope to record those moments here to keep myself accountable. I hope some of my moments will offer you a little encouragement too… so here it goes…

I began day 1 of the New Year with much uncertainty about the future (my family issues, illnesses, grad school, relationships, etc). My New Years Eve was characterized by a restless and sleepless night with a million different thoughts going through my head about the year I as leaving behind…wondering if I had lived it right, and the uncertainty of the year to come. My Mom’s wisdom calmed me for a good part of the day, but peace didn’t come until that night. The day ended with a comforting quite time of prayer and thought of what my mother’s words of encouragement on a Gulf Coast beach as God gave me one of the most beautiful sunsets in recent memory. Talk about filling in the color! I was sitting on the beach, watching the magnificent picture being painted before me, listening to the waves role onto the shore, and losing myself the beauty of it all and I simply heard “I am King. I will lead.” God renews my spirit and speaks to me through nature…He always has…and finally in that moment, I found a peace that had been lacking for quite some time…simply because I decided to stop worrying, be still, and just listen.

The next day I had a frustrating experience at the airport as my flight was cancelled due to mechanical errors and the airline was only able to get me out of an airport 1.5 hours away the next morning; but due to my flight cancellation, I got an extra evening in Florida complete with a beautiful sunset in between rain clouds and a rainbow Again…the filling in the color. Did you know that rainbows appear in the Bible, only a handful of times, but as a symbol of God’s majesty, comfort and hope? There is one in the first chapter of Ezekiel and two in Revelation when God reveals himself ( a rainbow around him), hence the rainbow is a glimpse of his glory; but the image I am most drawn to is the appearance of a rainbow in Genesis 9. God has just destroyed the Earth with a flood, and I can only image what Noah and his family had going through their heads as they have spent the past few months watching the entire human and animal races destroyed so violently and then waiting for the waters to recede…perhaps they had afear of God’s wrath and judgment, uncertainty of God’s promise that He would save Noah and never destroy the Earth via flood again??? But God knew their fear, took compassion on them, and said “I have set my bow in the could, at it shall be for a sign of a covenant between Me and the Earth ~Genesis 9:13. It is as if He is to say, “I know things are messy right now, but look up. I am here and My love for you is Great. Be reassured.” As the scene unfolded, my mind drifted to the first time I studied the significance of rainbows in the Bible. I saw one as my parents were driving me to the airport in June of 2002 on my way to my first summer of living in San Diego and Tijuana. I was scared to death…going away for 3 months, not knowing a soul, fearful of what might come of that summer, uncertain of how and if my life would change; but to this day, I consider it one of my most life changing experiences that has molded me into the woman I am today… God comforted me with his symbol of hope and assurance then and worked it out that summer beyond my wildest expectations…and He was letting me know that He is going to work it out now.

The peace continued after I arrive home and God began to work out why I have been in this frame of mind lately. The Sunday before school started back was filled with chaos. I had learned early in the morning that the night before, my grandmother had packed herself a bag, climbed out her bedroom window and just began walking in the middle of the night. A couple found her several hours later several blocks away from her home lying in a field. Her body temp was 87 degrees. She had had a stroke a few days before which had affected the memory and speech part of her brain causing this confusion. I was completely worked up…worried about my grandmother…my parents had begun driving home…trying to figure out what was going on. The peace came as I spent a quite and comforting afternoon with a friend, mostly just sitting in stillness and silence, after a chaotic and confusing morning. Patience…not worrying about what I know God would work out. My grandmother is doing much better now…still bruised and quite a big confused about things, but her fiery personality is back and she is on the road to recovery. Thank you to those of you who had expressed your prayers and concern through the whole process.

Finally, Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, God finally set me on a course to help me dig out the root of my impatience. I was awakened at 2am to a conversation that completely changed the game in a certain aspect of my life that I had previously thought the direction was pretty certain. Of course I could not get back to sleep, so I spent the remainder of the wee hours of the morning in prayer and journaling through some issues that had been weighing on my heart. God really gave me a sense of clarity and revealed to me a wound in my heart that had been reopened over the summer and had not dealt with yet…and in doing so, I think I was subconsciously believing certain things about myself that are absolutely NOT TRUE (thanks Satan for that one) that were affecting me in several aspects of my life…it certainly is something that is causing me to feel the need for the “black and white” and causing worry and frustration when I don’t see it. Anyway, it was a rough but ultimately good morning sorting through a lot of garbage trying to get to the root of these feelings and trying to figure out how to regain my confidence and peace in the grayness. That is when I began really grasping hold this whole idea of finding beauty in the grayness. This idea was only confirmed by a completely unsolicited conversation with Brian Hunt Friday afternoon when he pretty much encouraged me with the exact words that had been running through my head in the days preceding (ps, friend…this is the 2nd time you’ve encourage me in recent weeks…remember Blackberries on Christmas Eve??? Remind me to share that story with you another time) Obviously the wound isn’t healed yet, but I’m well on my way to allowing God to fill that God-sized hole in my heart that I’ve been walking around with for the past several months with beautiful color.

The beauty in the grayness and patience lessons continued once back at school. Most days as a teacher, you never really see the yield from the impact (if any) we have on a child…I know this, and it is something that I don’t really worry about, but on Friday, a situation that started out as one of the scariest and worrying of my life came full circle…and of course it was God filling in the beauty of the gray! The Language Arts teacher gave the kids an assignment where they have to interview and write a paper on someone that they consider a hero or role model. I had about 25 kids ask me if they could interview me…which was confirming in itself, but 1 student in particular really made my day. You see, at the end of the school year last year, another teacher and I broke up a fight off of school property. The aggressor (for the sake of anonymity, we will call her K) severely beat up 2 victims (we’ll call them O and R). The fight was so violent that R was in the hospital for several days with major head injuries, and K was charged with assault and battery. It was an experience that shook me to the core…both the fight, and the fact that I had to give statements to the police about K and her mother (who was jailed on another charge for the evening), and eventually in September, I was subpoenaed by the State’s Attorney to testify against her in court. To make matters more weird, K, O and R were all going to be students of mine this year. O and R are in my lunch bunch (which means I’m like their school councilor…meeting with them once a week for lunch to support them in whatever ways they need it…obviously I got these 2 girls because of my role in this situation), and I was very leery about having K in my class knowing that this troubled kid might hold a grudge against me…so much so that I approached my principal about it, but there literally was no other Reading teacher that she could have. To my surprise, K has turned out to be one of my favorite students this year. She eats lunch with me every other week or so and when she has probation court hearings, she shares them with me…her fear and the results, and a lot about her life in general too. She has a rough home life with a non-involved single mom. I am so proud of her for staying out of trouble this year. But the WOW moment came when, for this hero assignment, she chose me as her hero. K’s teacher questioned her about the decision asking if she held any animosity towards me for the whole fight/testifying situation, and K simply relayed that I was her “favorite teacher,” she “really trusts me”, she thinks I’m “super smart about stuff,” and wants to be “as cool as me when she gets older.” I just about cried when I heard that. Again, God filled in the color to a situation that I was originally freaked with the lack of black and whiteness of it all!

God provided another example of being patient through the grayness this week as God walked me on a journey down memory lane. It started with a long overdue phone conversation that I had with an old friend Julie Sadhu earlier this week…one of my closest friends from high school…and really the first person to introduce me to the personal nature of God. Over the past 10 year, I had searched for ways to contact her, but to no avail. Med school had been keeping her pretty busy…but out of the blue, Julz found me on facebook, the reconnection ensued, and for 2 hours this night we chatted away about God, life and everything that has happened in the past 10 years as if no time had passed at all. Julz is someone who had a significant impact on my life all those years ago, and I was sooooooo excited to reconnect with her and share with her the yield of the seeds she planted oh so many years ago! It’s funny, because this weekend I was back exploring my old stomping grounds for a few hours… My niece is following in her aunt’s footsteps. Kathleen is on the freshman dance team at Lincoln-Way West and so I went to watch her perform at Central. She was so adorable! It was weird being back at LWC. The game was in the North gym and when it was all over, I went over and just walked the lines on the badminton court where Donna Thompson and Coach DeYoung spent hours preparing Katie and I for state, pushing though that damn knee injury that I should have gotten surgery for. Yes, my State picture is still on the wall for badminton, and several others have followed. As I walked the halls of Central, a lot of memories flowed of good friends, good times. Julie had told me that she considered me her closest friend back then which gave me a peace because as I walked those halls I also thought of how seriously shallow and flawed I was as a person back then, and of all of the silly hopes and dreams I held as an 18 year old. I couldn’t help but be thankful that I am NOT the same girl I was back then; but it was just a gentle reminder that to God…our whole lives are gray. God was working in me then, He is working in me now, and I can’t help but wonder how much God will continue to mold and change me in the next 10 years…So why on earth do I strive for the black and white???

The final confirmation and some sort of direction came yesterday…Cathy and I got back into the old routine of church and a Starbucks conversation. Boy have I missed that routine…Anyway, several points of PT’s wisdom really struck me, but the big one was this…I have been seeking out God’s will desperately in a few aspects of my life lately (What is my future role in Haiti? Do I spend $$ pursuing my Doctorate at Vanderbuilt...which the admin office so reminded me how much they've enjoyed corresponding with me via a voicemail and reminded me that my app is due soon...for a degree that I won't really use and only want for the personal satisfaction of knowing I did it when I could use that money to do good somewhere else? Do I need to stick around now that we found out that Cindy's remission was a false reading knowing my brother and the kids may need me close in the near future again...Now that my Grandma can't life alone anymore? What of my relationships? etc.), but how can I know God’s will, if I don’t know God’s character completely??? Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot about God’s character, but there is waaaay more that I don’t know…for example, I realized that I have barely read the old testament…and there is soooo much richness about God’s character in there that I have neglected (HELLO GRAYNESS)…so anyway, I’ve decided to read through the Old Testament no matter how confusing and boring it may get at times…because I will never really and truly know God’s will for me until I fully and truly understand God’s character…yes, a practical way that I can help myself see the beauty in the grayness.

All of the above plus some other random instances…(“Top Chef, not Top Muscles” Night thanks to the Wurz clan, the insight of Swanny’s comedic literary genius of a play, my phone call with Christine B who told me I was freakishly calm in a situation that other would be absolutely hysterical over) sent me riding a wave of laughter and confirmation this past week that I hope to ride straight through next week and beyond... Until then, I will continue to work on my ability to be patient, and not miss the miracle of the moment when it comes to seeing the beauty in the gray…

Haiti Days 8 and 9: The Even Loooooonger Road Home...

So...this post is a long time coming...I wrote it back in October, but am now just getting around to posting it. Enjoy...

Thursday morning, we woke up early to begin our long journey home to the States. We weren’t sure that we would be able to get out of the country. Thursday was the first day the airport would be open and we could only image how many people would be trying to get out of Haiti. Additionally, we had been hearing reports of the roads between Jacmel and Port-au-Prince being washed away. Several trucks had left for the capital city and returned over the past few days due to road blockages; but that morning, a semi had left about 5am and not returned which was a good sign.

Contrary to previous reports, the bus to take us to PaP was able to navigate the damage and pick us up right at our hotel. As we loaded our things, it was really sad saying goodbye to Pastor Fedony, Rodrigue and the rest of our hosts from the week. We cried, hugged, took pictures and exchanged promises of keeping in touch and returning next year. Pastor gave Christine and I a bag of gnips for a snack during our journey home. A few of our new friends were to accompany us to the airport, and some, like Windelle, we were to drop off at their homes near PaP. The bus was not nearly as cramped as on our arrival as we had about 1/2 as fewer bags and luggage as before. Everyone had a seat!

The ride home was eerie. I couldn’t believe that I was leaving this country so soon. I wanted to stay. The countryside was still beautiful despite the damage. We passed little villages on our way back to PaP and people just continued on with their lives as nothing had happened despite the clear mudslides and damaged buildings. As we drove, it was evident that there had been many many mud and rock slides over the main road, but the local people must have cleared them away. As we continued along, we chatted, sang songs, took pictures and videos...and then, almost exactly halfway through the 5 hour journey, we came to the mother of all mud slides…

There was a huge line of cars waiting to get across. The earth had completely covered the road. The blockage was almost 3 stories high with huge boulders and trees mixed in, and the slide continued down a ravine that was at least a thousand feet below. A long line of people were getting around it by walking single file down the mountain and then back up...which was scary because one of those boulders could have come lose at any minute to tumble down and crush them (to get a better picture in your head, check out my pictures on facebook)

As our bus stopped in the long line, many of us got out and walked up to assess the situation. There were local people with machetes and other tools hacking away at the mud and debris. People said they had been at it since 5 am this morning. We all began to wonder what happened to the truck that had left Jacmel earlier and never returned… Some UN vehicles were parked to the side and the UN guards were just watching. The government wasn’t to arrive for a few more days to help clear the blockage. We didn’t have a few more days; but our fears soon turned from how long it would take to clear the road to wondering if there was even a road anymore under all that mud. We mingled for a while with some of the locals. It was beginning to sprinkle so many of us went back to the bus to take naps and hang out. After about 2 hours, the government finally arrived with 2 big machines to help clear the way. It took about 2 and ½ hours before the road was passable. Thankfully, the mud had not washed it away. When we finally were able to pass, the government wanted to charge us? UH, as if! We did collect cash on the bus and gave it to some of the locals who had worked so hard before the government arrived, and even in conjunction with them to clear the mess. We continued the rest of the way to PaP weaving in and out of the mountains. When we reached the city, it was as if nothing had changed. Trash was still all over the streets; people were everywhere walking around and selling fruit at makeshift markets. When we reached a point where it was time to drop Windelle and her mother off, I cried as she gave me a big hug and made me promise to come back next year. I gave her the bag of gnips and she jumped off the bus. As the bus pulled away, I watched her disappear into the crowd and the distance, and I prayed that she would remain safe and healthy until the next time we would meet.

Getting to the airport was CRAZY. Even the line of cars to get in took forever! When we go to the airport, we unloaded our luggage and Pastor LeFluer pushed us all in a line to get it. It seems as if a lot of military and UN police were all standing outside of the airport (at least 150 or so) but they were doing absolutely nothing! Not even directing people in the right direction. Once inside and through security, there were masses of people pushing their way to the ticket counters to try and get tickets. There was absolutely no order to anything. People were pushing and cutting. Many many people were angry and yelling at others. We pretty much had to lock arms and send our big boys to the front to push our group’s way to the ticket counters. I was able to maneuver my way to the front of a ticket line first because I am so small. Pastor and I were the first to check in and make our way to the waiting area. Our plane was on the tarmac, but it was delayed for who knows what reason.

During our delay, some of us went duty free shopping. I bought a case of Haitian rum, Haitian vanilla and some knickknack souvenirs for friends and supporters. Our plane was about 2 hours late. When we were finally called, we had to walk almost a mile on the tarmac to get to our plane. As we were waiting in line to get on Presidential style, I got my last 2 mosquito bites. I DEFINITELY will not miss the Haitian mosquitoes.

Our plane took off. It was black and hard to make out any land masses over the ocean. Philip was sad that he did not see his wife (err the Mennonite woman) on the way home. We landed in Miami with about 15 minutes to spare before our flight back to Nashville was to take off. Since Tom had no checked luggage, we sent him to run ahead and try and hold our plane. Apparently Tom had made it, but they would not hold the plane for the rest of us. Jerks! But that was the first of many disappointments American Airlines would cause us back in the States that night.

In our rush to get our checked baggage, get through customs, and get to our next plane, we all got separated. Some were stuck waiting at baggage for almost an hour because AA originally announced that a cargo hold on our plan was stuck. It turned out later, that Ben’s bags got left behind in Haiti! On the other side of customs, a security agent told me to go the completely wrong way which led me out of security. I got soooooo lost from the rest of the group. I tried to go back through security but the gate people to me that the airport was closed. I went to the AA ticket counter and they told me that to rebook a flight I needed to wait in this little gated area in the middle of the walkway. I felt like an animal in a holding pin. They put several other angry Haitians in this space with me. When I tried to leave to find my friends, the AA lady yelled at me and told me I couldn’t go. It was demoralizing the way she was treating us. Philip finally called me and asked where I was. He told me to come to the ticket counter inside security. I told him my story of how I was in a holding pin and the lady wouldn’t let me out, so he and Tom came to find me. When I saw them, I immediately began to cry. I couldn’t control it! Culture shock, exhaustion, being treated like dirt…I don’t know what it was but the tears just kept coming. The lady holding me yelled at Philip and Tom too, but they broke me out of jail and we went back to where the others were waiting.

At the second ticket counter, there were about 30 people waiting in line to rebook tickets, get hotels for the night or to make a claim for the many many bags that were left behind in Haiti. It was almost midnight at this point. I made it to the counter and asked to be rebooked to Chicago, but the AA people told me if would cost over $500. Our contract said I could rebook for free but they would not honor it! Did I mention I hate AA!!!??? CRAZY! If I rebooked to Nashville, I would have to find another flight back to Chicago. I was still hoping that I would make it back in the morning to teach my first class. Not so! I got out of line and got on my computer to try and find cheaper flights to no avail. Apparently Gustav reeked havoc on all air traffic flying in and out of gulf states. I resigned myself to going to Nashville with the others the next day, and trying to get back to Chicago somehow after that. Philip was able to rebook all of our flights, but Ben and Pastor were trying to fly elsewhere also, so we hung around until they tried to get their tickets. Several Haitians were very angry and yelling at the ticket agents. Then, all at once, the ticketing people all kind of looked at each other, and then just all walked away leaving many people with no tickets, no hotels, no bags...including us. Unbelievable! Bucky got it all on film. Later he told me “I think you just got your free ticket to Chicago, Joy!”

When no one came back to help those who still needed to rebook their flights or give us hotel vouchers, we headed to the curbside pick ups and got on the first hotel shuttle we saw. I had tried to get my sister to get us rooms at a Starwood hotel, but they were either booked, or way far away. We ended up staying at a Red Roof Inn. Once checked in, I took a shower, called my mom and Josh, and finally calmed myself down. We ordered pizza and hung out in a room for a majority of the evening. I called and cancelled my original flight from Nashville to Chicago and called Sandy and Christine to take care of thing at school for me. I was really looking forward to meeting my kids Friday…and not at all excited of having to take another unpaid day off of school. Oh well.

Later in the evening, Ben knocked on my door. When I answered, he simply said, I have a lady on the phone who put me on a flight to Chicago tomorrow for free, do you want to get on too? OH MY GOODNESS!!! I was elated. When I got on the phone, she apologized profusely to me for the way in which we were treated by the AA people. I don’t know what Ben said to her, but as quickly as she said she was sorry, I was on the 8am flight home with Ben. (Apparently, Ben has quite a fun time on the phone with the AA people before knocking on my door…for a full account of his wheelings and dealings that evening, check out Ben Holton’s Haiti note about me on facebook).

Ben and I got up early and caught the shuttle to the airport. I was so tired and so weary that I know I wasn’t very much fun to talk to or be around by that point. We made it to our flight on time, and like that, we were in Chicago. Unfortunately we didn’t get to sit near each other, and he had to book it off the plane to catch his connection to St. Louis, but I was able to thank him later for helping me get home.

It was so weird to be back in Chicago after all of that. I caught a cab home, and while in the cab, the driver had the Republican Convention on and John McCain was giving his speech nominating Sarah Palin as his VP. I just remember being confused and thinking “who’s that???” I went to school immediately after I got home. I think I was in culture shock and I just didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to pick up the stuff from the sub and get things ready for next week. I also knew lots of people would want to hear about my experience, so I got all of that out of the way. I also wanted the nurse to check out my knees and hands. Tammy told me that I needed to go to the doctor because they looked infected. I got to meet my last period class for a few minutes. Everyone told me I looked like exhausted! Philip told me to ask my kids what they thought of me when they first saw me! Haha. I don’t think I want to know.

All in all, it has taken me a long time to readjust to life in IL after experiencing all that I did in Haiti. It took me a long time to go to a Starbucks or a mall without thinking about how vain I was, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of the kids and teens that I became close to in Haiti and pray for their safety and health. There have been 3 more hurricanes to hit Haiti in the weeks following my return home completely devastating the country. Many people have no food. New crops won’t be ready for months. The need there now is greater than ever. I have to confess that sometimes I feel guilty when I’m out to dinner or confronted with a large meal. I’ve certainly realized how lucky I am here in the states, and take a look at just how much I take certain things for granted and reevaluate some of my habits. I’ve been racking my brain ever since I got home as to how I can continue to help from Chicago…

Going back to school was a gift. I am thankful for my kids this year. They are such a nice group of students and they were so excited for me when I finally returned. Apparently my volleyball team was down at my room everyday worried sick for me too…Sandy was really good about giving them updates and explaining what as going on. And the trip has been an easy tool to share my faith with my kids. My experiences have provided me opportunities for teachable moments on social and character issues too…

It was definitely a life changing experience...one I hope I will continue to have in the years to come…My life plan in Haiti is not over yet, and I can’t wait to see what is in store for me next...

Haiti Day 7: The calm after the storm...

Last night I had my first full-blown hallucination from my malaria medication…thank goodness it wasn’t a nightmare. The generators were turned off overnight and everything was completely and utterly pitch black. I woke up in the blackness but through I was seeing people in my room. I am sharing a bed with Christine, but when I turned over, I saw a Haitian woman with 2 Haitian children sleeping on top of her. I also looked over towards our dresser and saw another Haitian woman standing there…and over on Donna’s bed, I saw about 5 more Haitian women and children piled on top of each other sleeping. I rubbed my eyes a few times but the images did not go away. They were so real and it ws kind of creepy. Thank goodness I had presence of mind to know that I was probably hallucinating so I laid back down and went back to sleep.

I woke up early this morning to go out on the roof and assess the damage. Today was supposed to be our beach day. I hear the beaches here are paradise, but when I went to the roof this morning, the sky was still dark and there was still a heavy wind, and it rained a good portion of the morning….so no beach for us. The destruction was not as bad as I thought it would be (things here aren’t built too well and the winds were howling all day yesterday), but it was still bad. Lines and wires were down all over the roadways. Trees and debris littered the streets and empty spaces. The empty lot next to us was completely flooded and the large tree that I mentions in an earlier blog where workers were using machetes to make lumber for building had completely snapped in half. Looking out over the rooftops, many many buildings were missing large portions of their roofs. A few hundred feet down the road, one building had completely collapsed; but oddly enough the Haitian people had already started to come out of their houses and go on with their daily business as if nothing had happened.

And then I looked down and saw a chicken cross the road. It gave me a good laugh. I had never seen a chicken cross the road before…

Rodrigue had drained the kitchen early this morning so we could have breakfast. The rain started to come down hard again so he shuffled us all downstairs to eat before it flooded again. Rodrigue was absolutely amazing to us last night. He kept the girls’ rooms from flooding by constantly putting new towels down to soak up the water in the hallways outside of our doors. He even chiseled a drain that was non-existent at the end of the hallway…literally took a pick and hammer and knocked a perfect circle through the tile and cement to the outside of the building so water could drain out of our hallway.

After breakfast, we began sorting all of the clothing and school supplies that we had brought for the people in the community. It was amazing to see how much we were able to actually bring. Pastor went out to find us food. He came back with some crackers, fresh water and peanut butter and jelly. Not much…but waaaay more than what the other people had. Past had kept his transistor radio on all day and we found out that 22 people had died in Jacmel and several others were still missing. A truck had tried to go to Port-au-Prince this morning and returned right away because the roads were too dangerous. Apparently, there was a huge mudslide on the only road leading to the capital city and the government is saying it will take several days to get it cleared; but Pastor said that the rich people will pay the locals to clear it because they need to get through as soon as possible.

Later in the afternoon, we decided to walk to Pastor’s house. The damage was incredible. Trees were down all over the roads. Power lines were down everywhere. Debris was all over the place. The river, which had been virtually dry with some puddles, was now a ragging rapid! The dirt roads were grooved from water rushing down the mountain washing away a lot of the rocks. It was nice to get out and get a little exercise after being cooped up in the hotel for the past 2 days. The taptap met us halfway to take us the rest of the way which we were thankful for because the dirt roads were just too flooded and washed away to navigate on foot.

At Pastor’s house, we had a simple meal of rice and beans. Pastor told us that they usually plan extravagant going away ceremonies, but because of the storm they were unable to go out and get the supplies to make us a cake or get us gifts; but they did give us some Haitian coffee and gave some pretty moving speeches about our time here. I cried the entire time…It totally hit me then that this was my last day in Haiti (maybe) and I am completely not ready to leave. Saying goodbye was very difficult to do for me, but I think God has more plans for me in Haiti…so I’m positive that I will be back soon.

Back at the hotel, we’ve been just packing up and getting ready to leave tomorrow. We are praying that the mudslide is cleared. We have to walk about a mile with our bags to meet the bus because the trees and lines down are too dangerous for the bus to get to us. Once we get to Port-au-Prince, we aren’t sure what to expect. Tomorrow will be the first day the airport is open after the storm, so I can image a lot of people will be there trying to get out. Please pray for our safe travels.

As we were packing, Rodrigue brought us up some Haitian rum and beer…and that is where I am off to now…

The next time I write here, I will hopefully be home, and have taught my first day of school… Can’t believe it!

Haiti Day 6: I survived a hurricane in a 3rd world country!

As I woke up this morning and was finishing last night’s blog post, Christine came out of the bathroom and told me to check the forecast because it was really windy outside. A kid the night before had spent 10 minutes trying to tell us that a hurricane was coming, but we only half understood him and really didn’t believe him. Needless to say, we were very surprised when I checked the internet and saw that Hurricane Gustav was only 70 miles off the coast of Haiti and the eye was heading straight for Jacmel. I brought my computer to Devo’s this morning to read the weather.com forecast to the group. I asked Pastor if he knew about the storm and he said yes. He just never bothered to tell us…very funny!

We ate breakfast pretty fast this morning. We had ham, cheese, tomatoes, and onion sandwiches. Then, we all piled into the back of the taptap and rode about 20 minutes out of town to the orphanage started by Audio Adrenaline called “Hands and Feet.” The ride was super fun. The rain and wind was blowing all over and all of the Haitians on their front porches were probably looking at us and thinking we were morons! I think that being in a third world country has lessened my sense of danger, because no one in their right minds in the states would have gotten into the bed of a pickup to ride 20 minutes through rain and hurricane force winds. When we got to the orphanage, we piled out and started helping prepare the grounds for the hurricane, putting chairs away, and securing the lumber for their building project. The winds were getting hard to battle at this point and the rain was making it hard to see, but I did catch a glimps of the grounds from the porch of the house. The grounds were beautiful. There were 2 white French colonial houses nestled at the bottom of a lush green mountain and 2 more being built. I wish I could have seen it without the sheets of wind just blasting across the scenery. I actually caught a coconut tree snapping in half on video while we were there. We got a quick tour before we decided that we needed to leave if we were going to make it back safely. I was sad that we didn’t get to spend any time with any of the kids, but knowing me, it was probably for the better. We could have weathered the storm at the orphanage, but Donna had stayed behind again today and we didn’t want to leave her at the hotel all by herself.

By this time, it was almost too dangerous to navigate the roads. Luckily, the road between the orphanage and the hotel was paved (the only paved road I’ve seen here), so 3 of the girls piled into the cab of the truck with Pastor and 2 of the Haitian girls from the church. The rest of us climbed into the bed and pulled a tarp over us for protection from the storm. That ride back was CRAZY! Gerard, our driver, was speeding as fast as he could. We could see through the window to the front that there was ZERO visibility out the front windshield. Gerard was just driving and honking his horn as if to say…I’m coming and I’m not stopping so get out of the way! It was quite the task trying to keep the tarp over us in the back. Phillip was huddled next to me in the very back of the truck bed and he opened the back of the tarp just a little bit so we could see out. Most of the road had already flooded, debris was starting to fly the rain was coming down so hard that it was stinging…it was not a good situation to be driving in. I got some pictures which are incredible out the back of the truck. There was a kid on a bike trying to draft behind us, but he couldn’t see so when the truck stopped, he ran right into the back of us and fell over. Luckily, he was not hurt and was able to get back up before another car came along. Crazy crazy crazy crazy sitiation…but soooooo much fun at the same time! It was definitely an incredible adventure that I will never forget!!!

On a side note…Michelle, the lady who runs the orphanage called us later to tell us that one of her buildings that was under construction had washed away. No one was hurt, but please pray for them.

When we got back to the hotel, we all headed up to the roof to watch the storm. Our rooms are on the 4th floor of the hotel and the roof is the 5th floor. The stairs leading up to each floor and the hallways are all open air. Rain had been coming in all morning so our hallway on the 4th floor was flooded. The boys’ rooms had water in them, but luckily the girls rooms stayed dry. On the roof we had a lot of fun. Before you freak, the roof is half a completely enclosed room, a and half open air deck. We hung out up there and played in the rain for a while pretending to be weather forecasters and splashing around in the puddles. The wind was super strong at this point and we have lots of great pictures and videos of people almost flying away. Everyone started calling me a prophetess because I spoke about weathering storms last night…so I went out in the middle of the deck, laid down and pretended to sleep in the bottom of the boat like Jesus (see my storms blog…it will make sense when you read what I spoke about). We got lots of great pictures. Then, the trees and tin roofs started to fly, and a government vehicle came through the streets blasting on a megaphone how everyone should go inside and stay away from the river, so we moved the fun back into the enclosed part of the roof where we sat most of the afternoon and evening to watch the storm. It was kind of funny, yesterday is sprinkled a little and all of the Haitian people freaked and went indoors. Today, there is a hurricane, and people are outside walking in the wind and rain going on with their daily business as if the weather conditions were normal. Some of the ladies were even carrying the big baskets on their heads through the storm. I have no idea how they did it. Pastor said that when it sprinkles, Haitians think it will make them sick, but when it pours, they don’t. Weird.

As some of us were sitting on the roof, a white man came up the stairs. It was funny because we are so used to seeing only black faces that when we appeared, Buckey was like, “OMG, are you white?” The guy totally took it in stride. His name was Danny Pye and he was the head of Haitian Children’s Home on the outskirts of Jacmel which provides homes for Haitian teenagers. He and his wife live in their house with 22 teens who have been rescued from human trafficking and all sorts of other types of abuse and raise them as their own kids...like a family The kids call them mom and dad. They live as Haitians do eating the same food and celebrating all of the same traditions. He said that it was his experience that Haitian children who leave Haiti for another country fto go to school never return...and for good reason. His goal was to raise Haitian children through the school years in Haiti to become leaders in Haiti. Danny had been on vacation with 3 of his Haitian sons who earned A’s on their government testing in the north of Haiti. They had gotten up early to drive back to Jacmel before the storm hit but when they arrived here, all of the roads leading out of Jacmel had been flooded out so he stopped at our hotel. It was really moving to hear his story on how came to Haiti and how this ministry just sort of fell into his lap. They are about to bring 2 more couples over from the states to serve as home families for 20 more kids each and build a school and hospital. I asked him if they needed teachers and he told me that he needs someone to oversee the entire school. I probably sat and talked to this guy for 3 hours. We are going to get in touch when I get back to the states. It is definitely a field of ministry that I am completely passionate about, and this is an organization that I can see myself completely on board with. We will see where God leads me I guess… After several hours of trying to wait it out, all of the roads leading out of Jacmel were still completely flooded, so Danny and his 3 sons decided to walk home during the eye of the storm. He’ll be back tomorrow to pick up his truck…

After Danny left, 2 of the Pastors from the church we are working with and some of the Haitian teenage boys from there came to the hotel with food. We were supposed to go to Pastor’s house, but didn’t due to the rain, and we thought that the only meals we would get for lunch and dinner were the snacks we brought because the hotel’s kitchen was under a foot of water by noon…but in an unbelievable act of kindness, these people walked all the way from pastors house with pots of rice, beans, and a vegetable and goat meat stew to feed us. CRAZY! Phillip said he walked it last year and it took an hour in good weather. They literally walked an hour through a hurricane to get us food…no joke. Pastor said that they walked through water chest deep to get to us. And even more amazing…when we all had finished eating our meal together on the roof, they turned around and walked back. The people here have been so warm and generous! I will never ever ever forget this incredible act of service and generosity. Never.

We continued to weather the storm out on the roof just talking, hanging out and watching the storm and the people who continued to be out on the streets as evening set in. A few times a bulldozer drove by and people were riding in the scoop of it. Power lines were down or half-down all over the road and people would just stop their trucks or motorbikes, pick them up, and continue on their way. I guess it’s ok to touch power lines when the city only supplies power for 2 hours a day…The odds are good that you were touching the lines when the power isn’t on. A hospital vehicle drove by a few times looking to pick up any dead bodies of people who may have parished during the storm too. We didn’t see them pick anyone up, but it was eerie to think that maybe there were bodies in the back of the vehicle. Earlier, Danny had pointed towards where the hospital was, and told us that everyone here referred to it as the morgue because people go there to die. He told us a story of how one of his adopted children’s mother bleed out after childbirth because the doctor refused to sew her back up. He said that he would not take his children there under any circumstances. I’m glad that no one we knew got hurt, but Pastor did bring us the news around 6pm that Jacmel was getting directly hit and that 2 people that he knew of had died as a result of building collapses.

At 7pm, we all met on the roof again for some praise and worship time, and just to talk about the trip and what God had been teaching us. It was just a really good time to debrief about everything and hang out with everyone. I’ve been writing this blog all afternoon as things have played out for lack of anything else to do. We’ve been fortunate enough to have power since the hotel runs on generators, however as night set it, the entire city was pitch black. It was so weird looking out over the city and mountains and not seeing a thing. I don’t know if I have ever been in a place with absolutely no light…false or natural from the moon and stars. It was like looking out into a big black void. It was apparent by the sounds and feel of things that the winds were dying down by 9 or so…they were still super strong, and the rain was still coming down hard, but I figured it was safe to go to bed, so I did…

Haiti Day 5: Kid Crazy!

Another crazy long day (which is why this is being posted in the morning…I was in desperate need of a good night’s sleep). We woke up early, ate a quick breakfast of potatoes and eggs, and headed off to the church and Pastor’s house. Poor Donna wasn’t feeling well, so she stayed behind in bed all day. We dropped a few people off at the church to do some ground leveling work even though we weren’t supposed to do any construction on the building at all (see yesterday’s post). The rest of us went to Pastor’s house to help cook for the feeding program that would be held later that afternoon. Most of us washed dishes. The locals kept laughing at James because he was a “man doing a woman’s work.” He took it well.

VBS was held that school across the street from Pastor’s house. I was amazed at the school. It was a shell of a building…2 stories tall. All of the classrooms had huge openings for windows both to the outside and to other classrooms. I’m not sure how teachers teach without being distracted by other rooms. Each room had a chalkboard on a stand and some homemade bench desks for the kids to sit on.

We had over 250 kids from the community at VBS. It was INSANE! They were separated into groups by age and shuffled around to 3 different activities. I was in charge of the 9-12 year olds. We played with a parachute and beach ball, had sack races, read Biblical stories to the kids, and made friendship bracelets. The kids seemed to really enjoy it. They will continue tomorrow, however we will not be a part of it.

After VBS, we held the feeding program. Many of the children down here are sponsored by people from New River Church in Nashville. Some of the team members sponsor these kids also. Sponsorship involves giving $30 a month which provides 3 meals a week, schooling, money for clothes, with some left over to go the child’s family. We set up tables for the sponsored kids in Pastor’s house and served them huge plates of red beans and rice with some meat and vegetables. The plates were so big that I wasn’t sure that the kids little bellies would be able to eat it all, but not one child left a scrape on their plate. Not only do they feed the kids, but they also teach them manners. Every child waited until all 60+ of them had their food in front of them to dig in. Once everyone had their food, he showed them how to place their napkin, and how to use the fork and spoon to eat without just digging in and shoveling it down. It was definitely a humbling experience.

We came back to the hotel for some R and R after the hectic morning, which I definitely needed. After standing out in the high noon sun and sitting in Pastor’s hot, hot house all morning, I was definitely feeling over-heated and my heart was beating irregularly. I changed the bandages on my wounds and cleaned them out. All wounds seem to be doing well except for the one on my left hand. It’s deep, really oozy and really nasty looking. I don’t think my hand is going to fall off, but it will probably take another day or two for me to figure out if it gets infected, or if my body is able to naturally clear it out and begin healing it. A highlight of the day for me was the wicked ghetto tan lines I got from all of the bandages…especially the left hand one. I didn’t know that I could tan so dark, so fast, but apparently I can because in the 4 hours that I was outside today, I have some really crazy tan line designs on my hands and knees from the ghetto way I had to rig up the band aids because my sweat was just making them fall off.

Tonight was our first community outreach crusade in a neighborhood nearby. When we drove up on the taptap, tons of kids started running along side the truck screaming and yelling and welcoming us. It was the best welcome I think I’ve ever gotten. When we got out, all of the kids grabbed our hands and led us over to where the crowd would be. They didn’t want to let go. I had one tiny little girl grab my hand with both of hers, big smile on her face, jumping up and down saying “blon, blon” which is Crole for White. She just kept saying it. I didn’t know what to say back so I was just like, “that’s right, me Blon.”

The band from the church played some music, some of the team introduced themselves and Tom and I both spoke to the crowd…Tom on salvation, and I about life’s trials and Jesus’s comfort (Read my storm’s blog post). It went really well. I had many compliments on my message after the outreach. I can honestly say that I don’t really even remember speaking…it was totally a God experience with the words that poured out of me. I’m jut thankful that I didn’t mess up or look like a moron...thanks for your prayers.

Back at the hotel…I went to bed almost immediately. Today was the most wearing day on my body that I’ve had here so far…but as I’m writing this and posting it the next morning, I feel completely recovered after getting a good night’s sleep. We go to the orphanage today which is what I have been looking most forward to on this trip. I’m not sure if I will get any interaction with the kids. We are supposed to be doing some painting on the building.

Also, this morning is very winding and there are some awesome clouds as I look out my hotel window. Some kids last night was trying to tell us that a hurricane is heading towards us. We didn’t believe him but I just checked the forecast and he was totally right. Oh My! Hurricane Gustav is a category 1 hurricane and is expected to go directly over us tonight! Don't worry mom...I'm safe. I think. If I survived Hurricane Andrew...I can certainly survive a category 1 in a third world country!

Kid Crazy!

Another crazy long day (which is why this is being posted in the morning…I was in desperate need of a good night’s sleep). We woke up early, ate a quick breakfast of potatoes and eggs, and headed off to the church and Pastor’s house. Poor Donna wasn’t feeling well, so she stayed behind in bed all day. We dropped a few people off at the church to do some ground leveling work even though we weren’t supposed to do any construction on the building at all (see yesterday’s post). The rest of us went to Pastor’s house to help cook for the feeding program that would be held later that afternoon. Most of us washed dishes. The locals kept laughing at James because he was a “man doing a woman’s work.” He took it well.

VBS was held that school across the street from Pastor’s house. I was amazed at the school. It was a shell of a building…2 stories tall. All of the classrooms had huge openings for windows both to the outside and to other classrooms. I’m not sure how teachers teach without being distracted by other rooms. Each room had a chalkboard on a stand and some homemade bench desks for the kids to sit on.

We had over 250 kids from the community at VBS. It was INSANE! They were separated into groups by age and shuffled around to 3 different activities. I was in charge of the 9-12 year olds. We played with a parachute and beach ball, had sack races, read Biblical stories to the kids, and made friendship bracelets. The kids seemed to really enjoy it. They will continue tomorrow, however we will not be a part of it.

After VBS, we held the feeding program. Many of the children down here are sponsored by people from New River Church in Nashville. Some of the team members sponsor these kids also. Sponsorship involves giving $30 a month which provides 3 meals a week, schooling, money for clothes, with some left over to go the child’s family. We set up tables for the sponsored kids in Pastor’s house and served them huge plates of red beans and rice with some meat and vegetables. The plates were so big that I wasn’t sure that the kids little bellies would be able to eat it all, but not one child left a scrape on their plate. Not only do they feed the kids, but they also teach them manners. Every child waited until all 60+ of them had their food in front of them to dig in. Once everyone had their food, he showed them how to place their napkin, and how to use the fork and spoon to eat without just digging in and shoveling it down. It was definitely a humbling experience.

We came back to the hotel for some R and R after the hectic morning, which I definitely needed. After standing out in the high noon sun and sitting in Pastor’s hot, hot house all morning, I was definitely feeling over-heated and my heart was beating irregularly. I changed the bandages on my wounds and cleaned them out. All wounds seem to be doing well except for the one on my left hand. It’s deep, really oozy and really nasty looking. I don’t think my hand is going to fall off, but it will probably take another day or two for me to figure out if it gets infected, or if my body is able to naturally clear it out and begin healing it. A highlight of the day for me was the wicked ghetto tan lines I got from all of the bandages…especially the left hand one. I didn’t know that I could tan so dark, so fast, but apparently I can because in the 4 hours that I was outside today, I have some really crazy tan line designs on my hands and knees from the ghetto way I had to rig up the band aids because my sweat was just making them fall off.

Tonight was our first community outreach crusade in a neighborhood nearby. When we drove up on the taptap, tons of kids started running along side the truck screaming and yelling and welcoming us. It was the best welcome I think I’ve ever gotten. When we got out, all of the kids grabbed our hands and led us over to where the crowd would be. They didn’t want to let go. I had one tiny little girl grab my hand with both of hers, big smile on her face, jumping up and down saying “blon, blon” which is Crole for White. She just kept saying it. I didn’t know what to say back so I was just like, “that’s right, me Blon.”

The band from the church played some music, some of the team introduced themselves and Tom and I both spoke to the crowd…Tom on salvation, and I about life’s trials and Jesus’s comfort (Read my storm’s blog post). It went really well. I had many compliments on my message after the outreach. I can honestly say that I don’t really even remember speaking…it was totally a God experience with the words that poured out of me. I’m jut thankful that I didn’t mess up or look like a moron...thanks for your prayers.

Back at the hotel…I went to bed almost immediately. Today was the most wearing day on my body that I’ve had here so far…but as I’m writing this and posting it the next morning, I feel completely recovered after getting a good night’s sleep. We go to the orphanage today which is what I have been looking most forward to on this trip. I’m not sure if I will get any interaction with the kids. We are supposed to be doing some painting on the building. Also, this morning is very winding as I look out my hotel window. Some kids last night was trying to tell us that a hurricane is heading towards us. We didn’t believe him but I just checked the forecast and he was totally right. Oh My!